We began this session with a discussion about my feelings.
I've been struggling listening to people when they get too dark, negative, or really angry. I'm not talking about NOT being open to discussing ideas, feelings and thoughts. I'm talking about when the conversation is all about how crappy the world is, or if someone is telling a story that I've heard countless times about their past - and I feel trapped that I have to hear again. I can see in their face - it's as if it happened yesterday.
The struggle is a few things. I struggle listening to the same story repeatedy. I'm frustrated that people forget what they tell me. They just go into monologues and I have to listen to the whole story (again as if it happened just now) again - with every detail.
I struggle listening to "the world is a fucked up place" attitude. If I have to listen to someone bad mouthing, being cruel, or just plain over opinionated - it bugs me.
Ursula understood completely. She gave me a few tips to try.
She said I could try to divert the conversation.
I could ask the person - do you need me to hold the space so you can complain or vent?
She says I can tell them, this is not my truth. Can we talk about something else?
Ursula said when people are traumatized, they feel they need to keep telling their story - at the high level of energy. She says they enjoy the high of it. They don't enjoy that it happened - but now that it has - they ride the high of the story.
She said it's hard - but tell the annoyed parts to go away. She says you want that to be out of your body posture and tone when you try and speak with them. She says call the person by name - get them out of the trance. They need to pop out of the story.
Once calm and relaxed you can continue with the questions:
I've heard this story before. Does it still bother you? You repeat it a lot.
She says begin with the end goal in mind. You love this person. They want love. That's our base need and want is love.
Ursula said, why do people complain? They don't feel loved.
She says okay - it others you. I am a truth speaker. But she says be careful not to be too blunt.
I actually took a moment and wonder if I get a hit of the high from their story - because why does it trigger me to be angry.
I told Ursula fear and anger just feels like I'm putting on a turtleneck. I don't like wearing turtlenecks. Too tight.
I told her with all these feelings coming up - my hypochondriac popped out. I started just getting nervous about stuff. She says love that part. It just wanted to worry - but again - it doesn't have to run the show. Say I love you - I'm taking of you - and I'm here for you.
We went in to do subconscious work. I was excited. Right away I felt a burning in my chest and tightness in my neck. I figured of course! I'm irritated and I've been worried. I wasn't sure what image wanted to come forth. I figured it's going to be annoyed.
We went deeper.
At first it looked scrunched up. I couldn't tell what it was. I kept pulling it further away so I could take a look. I was so surprised. It was a wolf. A beautiful silver wolf.
The wolf said - protect the pack. Family, friends and public. The wolf told me to use wisdom to communicate with others. She ( I felt it was a she) said you might have to pace sometimes. She said bide your time before you engage in conversation especially when annoyed. She said don't pounce.
The wolf told me I know the truth of how things are deep inside. Use that. She said use the embarrassment and the discomfort I feel when the old stuff comes up and the other parts want to talk. She says ask questions in your mind - what do you need - what do you want the outcome to be - and then go slowly and calmly. She said ask yourself - what do you want to communicate?
The wolf said - pace when annoyed. I could see her showing me how she walks back and forth. She said use all of it - all of your wisdom and tools to your advantage.
She was such a beautiful wolf and I just kept touching her whiskers on her face, and her head. I kissed her face.
The wolf said when I'm annoyed do what she does - she uses her ears which will perk up. Feel your body. You will feel your instincts. Use all those sensations. Something might be amiss. This is the time to use your strength and wisdom to solve and communicate. Be strong. Be strong like the wolf. Go ahead and howl.
It was a beautiful session. We closed with thanks.
And from Ursula:
So powerful, Rebecca is tracking like a wolf. When we heal hurt parts of ourselves we have a greater capacity to slow down and become more aware, mindful. When we know we can take care of ourselves instead of running self defeating patterns, our whole life experience changes. Over this series of sessions we have done, you- the reader can clearly see the growth. When we grow from the inside out, we become calmer, clearer, more self aware, more caring and compassionate to ourselves, and therefore to others. Life becomes more meaningful.
Yes, sometimes our heightened awareness also sees negativity as more aggressive than the norm it used to be. We tend to watch our words that we say to ourselves. You can also tell someone is doing their inner work when they start a sentence three times, cutting out the negative phrases. That's how we do, one thought at a time, one sentence at a time. All based on awareness. As if self auditing is not busy enough, now we have to deal with others who are not on the path. They are stuck where we were. We run as fast as we can away from where we were in our heads and hearts once we have a taste of freedom from negative patterns. So when people around us are still "There" we feel frustrated. AND a part of the spiritual path is acceptance of others. Who they are, why they are and how they are. Uggh! Exercising compassion and a deeper understanding makes us love people more. When the upset people around us feel more loved by us, they start calming down. They don't even notice it. They don't even know why. Then the result is you get more peace! It is a circular expression, you do your inner work, you love others, they calm down, you get more peace in your internal world and external world.