So I reviewed the video from my first session with Ursula. Right away I was uncomfortable watching myself on video. I was very critical. I slowly relaxed a little and looked through the eyes of Mental Girl instead. I could see my discomfort in the beginning. It can be awkward and scary to look within one’s subconscious and see what comes up.
Ursula looked beautiful, confident and relaxed.
I immediately hear my laugh. It’s my uncomfortable, I don’t know what I’m doing, laugh. I feel like I do that to release tension and to get reassurance from the other person. This time it was Ursula. Am I doing this right? I feel silly. I feel vulnerable. I feel nervous.
Ursula was great at guiding me along.
Even if you don’t believe in spirituality or use the dialogue of most healers - you can really look at this process scientifically and logically. It’s a really cool process - doing subconscious work. You have a dialogue with different facets of yourself.
Ursula calls this subconscious work. She also calls it Internal Family Systems.
I could tell my nerves were blocking me from taking instruction at times. The only requirement, really, was to be present, in the moment, to be honest, allow stuff to come up naturally, and be open to Ursula as she guided me.
I listened as the different parts came up. Again, I had to keep reminding myself not to judge. It was really hard to do watching the video. (Really hard to do - I’m judgey) So I decided to stop watching. It was my first session. I remember after the session feeling it went well. But I had a strong urge to stop watching the video now. It was a gut instinct. I felt as if I was nitpicking myself. I was judging the process. Sometimes I would close my eyes and just listen to our voices, and then remember the session better.
I made another appointment with Ursula for my next session. Guess what? She, like me, felt we shouldn’t record the sessions, and that watching the video of me during a healing, could take something away from the process. We both felt for some reason, the recording felt uncomfortable. So we agreed for now on, we would have the session without recording. I will write about my sessions from a calm, quiet, relaxed (and non judgey) place.
We are on the same page. I like that. Mental Girl does too.