In the beginning of this session I just wanted to download and release some feelings. I had been feeling some "old worries, feelings, thoughts". Some of them I have learned can be stored in their own file of "life stuff". This is stuff that bothers a lot of people. Then there are the germ worries, the OCD thoughts, the fear of future thoughts. Those need to be filed as "anxiety stuff".
I spoke about using the "gavel" (a part that came up in a previous session). This gavel gets to smash and dismiss if I'm going off course. I spoke about my talking to the bully older brother part when he comes up. I told her I take him and the young sister on walks. I'm the calm mom that will pull them apart if arguing begins to stir things up inside my mind. They do respond well to my calm voice. I remind them we are all safe and I'm in control.
Ursula said she noticed my tone is much different now. As I speak of these different thoughts, emotions and feelings, she doesn't see me getting sucked into them as I was when I let anxiety direct and control me. Now, I look at each one, speaking and making decisions with my best self. Even the fact that I file them in sections/files- life or anxiety, she could see I'm looking at it all very differently. That made me feel good.
We spoke of the short sweet conversations I have been having with my husband.
Life stuff is real. I take time to practice loving self talk and ask my best self to come forward after listening to all the information. I'm a mom. I have responsibilities with my family.
I was ready to go in.
So I told her there is this part I've been feeling. I thought it was anxiety, but it doesn't feel anxious - but there is tightness. So Ursula said - let's begin there. The image that came up at first was the image of a long towel twisted. Then it changed again - a sort of twisted sculpture. It morphed into a contortionist. it wrapped up one way, then the other, bending and shifting into different positions. Some positions weren't comfortable. But the image and the feeling or message I received- was, well, shift again until you find a position that is comfortable. I felt it showed up recently. It wanted to tell me to be flexible - keep it loose. I will have different reactions, thoughts and feelings that will come up. I'm learning. I'm healing. I can shift positions. Yes, "life stuff" comes up. I felt as if it wanted me to trust myself. Look and feel from all angles. It's ok to feel. Just adjust your position for clarity and comfort.
The next image to come up was rather comical. It was a pair of those toy chattering teeth. Now why that? It just chattered and made a lot of noise. Sometimes funny, sometimes annoying. I felt the chatterbox showed up in my life when I was about 4 or 5. It is one of those toys that would be interesting to a young child. Funny - but also would be enough noise to annoy everyone. Ursula found this interesting. She said kids find the noisy toys to get attention. Kids want to feel in control. They can wind up the toys (gives them control) and the loud noise will get them attention from others. They want attention when their needs are not being met. It felt funny to me, because till this day, I do enjoy a fun wind up toy. But, I also feel, with this one, I want to be able to stop it. I don't need it to go on making loud noises all the time.
I felt as if the chattering teeth have been around since I was about 5 years old I couldn't remember an exact time for all these feelings - but I knew she felt sad when they showed up. She wanted to be heard. She felt selfish for annoying everyone. Ursula assured me with her calm loving voice - a 4 or 5 year is not selfish when wanting to be acknowledged, heard or loved. This is a young age. She wanted to release anger, sadness, disappointment - and I helped her do that. A funny thing. I asked her if there was anything else she would like to release - and she said gum. I laughed. Ursula laughed too. Gum? She wanted to be silly. She wanted to be playful. How sweet. She is happy I came back for her. I saw an image of her hands on my face and we were smiling at each other.
After that, the session really felt playful. I felt tingly all over. I do remember that tired feeling came up - and I told that part to relax. This work is good stuff. Nothing scary. Enjoying the playfulness feeling is so new to me. In the past, I felt if I'm too playful, the fun will stop. No. It won't. Playfulness is a great characteristic to nurture and bring out.
We closed the session, with thanks and taking time to look at all the wonderful sessions and all the amazing work we have done together so far. It is really beautiful.
After the session, I was so giddy - that I stood up too fast. Woosh! I got so dizzy. I immediately laid back down. Ursula reminded me all of this is good healing work - energy is being stirred up - some released - and new stuff coming through me. It makes sense that I would feel dizzy. After lying down for a little while, I slowly got up - again feeling tingly but now I had that really neat electrical feeling. I was looking forward to drinking some water and heading out for a walk.
I loved the chattering teeth part. Oh my goodness, I bet everyone woman can relate. We are so busy in our heads. Can you imagine, each part having a set of chattering teeth and all of them trying to get our attention at once! It would be a nightmare. Thankfully a large variety of parts will show up, each with their individual expressions, from personifications to objects. Sometimes just a smoky presence.
When we go into the subconscious, we are indeed altered. There are many states of awareness. We reach similar brainwave states as hypnosis, yet the way I do this, we are both there, in this wonderful space. It seems normal at the time, talking to all the different parts and interacting with emotions, talking with family and friends who have crossed over, having conversations with guides. When my clients are finished, I have them relax for a minute or two and slowly get up. Some personalities want to jump up and move on with their day, they often will fall back down on to the couch and say, "Oh I see why you said to just relax a minute." It goes to show that we really are altered.
Many people who live from their head feel empty. It's because their mind has done a great job at blocking out all the emotions. When they have had enough they come to see what is going on and we take the long journey back home into our hearts. It's only physically 18 inches or so, from our head to our heart, and emotionally 20 to 40 years or so. The last emotions that we typically run from are fear, anger and pain. Which makes perfect sense. We slide on the metal sewer drain cover and that's enough of that, for years to come. It works. Until we realize we are numb, stuck, unhappy, uninspired, old and unsatisfied. When we decide to face whatever it is blocking us, then we get to deal with the last thing we left behind. At this point, Rebecca has moved far enough through the rough stuff that she gets to meet these sweet parts. Back to her original way of being.
When we do this work we can be sillier, more playful and much lighter. It's been said that Jesus said, be like a child... Whosoever, therefore, shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
I believe we can create our own heaven on earth. It's a matter of perspective. When people ask me what is metaphysics, I explain. "A peaceful man lives in a peaceful world and an angry man lives in an angry world, yet they are neighbors, how can this be?"