After you have been lucky enough, as I have been, to work with Ursula over a year...you start to build some big muscles to use out in the world. You start feeling good. You stand taller. Prouder. You feel more....well YOU...and pleased about this new person, with new skills, new strength. At first you may think...okay I'm here. Yay me. However...as you learn with this kind of work...there is always more to learn. There is always another layer of your "onion" to peel off. When you release your mind from the idea that you are suppose to reach some kind of "perfection" and set your intention to keep looking within, this work will continue to get more interesting. As Ursula playful said to me, about the work she does, the healing she does even for herself - "I'm never bored." Yep - you're never bored. It's takes time. It takes patience. It takes letting go of a lot of old beliefs. But so worth it.
We began the session - well - a little bit bumpy. I was all ready to have my session when my mom, who was struggling with healing from walking pneumonia, needed me just as I was going to head into session. I managed to work through it all and at the same time discussing it with Ursula. She was great. She could hear how I was handling it and was giving me praise.
After things settled down with my mom and I was ready to start the session I began the fun part for me which is sharing all my growth. Ursula delights in this. She will respond with glee, pride and praise. It feels really good to hear. I spoke to her how I was clearer, more direct, firm but kind in my communication with my family and friends. I told her sometimes I do still slip, but will catch myself, try to repair, and then continue on responding using my tool belt of clear, kind, compassionate - yet setting boundaries and taking care of myself - communication. Again - she was super pleased.
I told her the growth and healing I feel is wonderful, yet, there is this "aloneness" that I'll feel. We spoke about past sessions and me intellectually understanding that others are on their own path. Just because I am doing things differently, acting differently, growing and moving forward, doesn't mean everyone will get on board. I am not above anyone. No one is below me. It is just the simple realization that people are on their own path. But this alone feeling - she understood. I said sometimes it does make me feel sad, other times, I have a calmness that I can tell is part of my growth. I said to her, I figured she must feel alone since she has been doing this work for a long time. Again - not speaking of alone like some bad sad thing - but an observation - an acceptance, she gave that sweet giggle she has and said, "Yes. I do. But it's never boring." I laughed too.
As I receive, experience and move into these Awakenings, as I'm becoming more aware that at times, yes, I'm alone on my path, I'm just feeling....well I wasn't sure what I was feeling - or what was in there.
I told her there was one person I never feel this alone feeling with and it is with my son. I feel so connected with him. I shared I sense this is because I'm his mom. He is a part of me.
Ursula spoke a little bit about the aloneness. She gave me a great visual. She said, imagine you are in the woods. You see a squirrel. That squirrel is scared and not too sure about you either. So you leave some food. You leave it and walk away. He eats it and feels happy. She says in order for the squirrel to get comfortable to change his fearful ways, he needs time. So just keep leaving the food and little by little he may see how safe it is. But if you squeal or clap when he gets close - it may scare him. If you become agitated or angry because he is not hurrying to feel safe and change with you - he will run away. Let him be. Let him feel the trust. Same can goes for people. She said let them walk their path. She said even over praising can push people away.
It really made a lot of sense.
We were ready to go into the healing work.
I had to quiet my chattering mind who was asking - "what's going to come up? What will it be? I don't see anything. It's not going to work this time. You're overthinking." So it was sssssssh......let it be...don't push it. Hey, it's like the squirrel analogy.
The first visual to come up was me sitting alone as a young girl at my old elementary school. It was an unattractive school. I could see the handball courts. Benches. The gloomy cement. But then the visual shifted...
I felt the aloneness. I was sitting there. But then there was this...for lack of a better word groovy feeling, like "Hey I'm alone. This is nice." And then there was this confident feeling that was saying, "Yeah, we can make decisions after we look at everything." I felt it. I don't go to this school anymore. I can visit the way I want to visit. This is neat. I'm alone, but not lonely.
The visual then changed into three distinct stacking rocks. Beautiful rocks - one on top of the other. Perfectly balanced.
Ursula was really enjoying the changing visuals.
I said to Ursula I'm having this thought...it's as if I'm hiking, with three different personalities. There is a snake that crosses our path. One gasps. "A snake!" Then there is the groovy personality who is totally relaxed and says, "cool a snake." And then there is the confident one looking around and says, "All right, let's figure out what to do. What color? What kind? Is he threatening? Is he chill? No worries. Let's take a beat and decide what to do."
They all work together. It's a collaboration.
The visuals and feelings kept changing. But the message was there.
The Gasper wanted me to know there is no shame in gasping. I'm not bad. I react from a raw instinctual place. When I'm upset, worried, afraid or concerned - I may gasp. It's OK.
The Groovy one wanted me to know it's a good thing to be relaxed and to feel chill. Groovy didn't think the Gasper was bad - even thought it's groovy to gasp if that is one's gut instinct. But also after the gasp - it's wonderful to lean back and just take it all in. The Groovy reminded me it's a beautiful feeling to be relaxed. Allow it.
The Confident one wanted to remind me to continue to hone my gut instinct. To remember when making a decision nothing is wrong or right - but taking that beat - taking that deep breath- taking time to gain clarity and allow my confidence to make a decision to respond, not react, usually ends in a result of healing and growth.
It really was a beautiful session.
Ursula once again praised me for all this cool work. She really enjoyed the images and feelings which came up. She could see how much growth and healing took place. While she praised, at first I thought - should I thank her right now? As she is saying all of this? I think the Gasper was delighted but felt self conscious, the Groovy one said, no way enjoy the compliment, and the Confident one said, yes...after she is done and you've taken it in, go ahead and thank her for the beautiful words.
An image from another session a while back came up. My roller derby drama girl. She was all giddy and twirling. I felt she was there to tell me to take in the praise.
As I was soaking in the praise, accepting and appreciating, different visuals were popping up. I could see from this session the three stacking rocks. I could see them by the waterfall from a session we had. By the lake from a session we had. And roller derby girl holding them as she twirled.
I thanked Ursula for her praise.
We closed the session.
And from Ursula:
I feel so happy for Rebecca's growth. I have to celebrate it.
Celebrating is spiritually correct. When we celebrate, we are bringing a lot of energy: joy, happiness, sense of completion, congratulations, togetherness, achievement. All of those positive vibrations get loaded on top of what is being celebrated, and raises it even higher. It packs it with support and the quality of "yes! Thank you! more please!" Which is a powerful prayer for anytime we are in the zone.
Rebecca uses the word "praise," which is vibrationally very much the same as celebration.
Interesting enough praise is a common spiritual term, many religions have praise in their music, it's prevalent in the Baha'i faith and even specifically the scriptures of the Psalms.
A little sidebar here about "praise."
It's twofold. One aspect is that the praiser is gathering energy and forwarding it to the praisee. It also is putting the other at the center of attention. The second aspect is that Ego needs to step aside for that to happen. When we praise the Divine, we are putting our ego aside and giving credence, reverence, respect to Other; God, Spirit, Love, whatever you personally call it. When we become humble enough to this in our lives, then there is more room for our receptivity. That's the whole behind-the-scene activity of Spiritual connection.
Just when I think I have a clue, I can keep looking and see even more than before.
Praise is to validate and uplift. When we praise the Divine we raise our own vibration WITH that energy inside of us.
When we praise and celebrate other people, we are raising that within them such as birthdays, graduations, or accomplishments of any kind.
Rebecca's work makes leaps and bounds because she does her daily work. She's getting to know her parts, she's integrating, and she's managing her life in a way that she never has before. That's the point of this work - to be more self-loving and self-respecting! Each and every session she's doing tremendously better than the one before. Yes, I know this work is challenging. And the challenges keep coming in life. How we REACT to them, makes the biggest difference. When we react to them in a beautiful way, they diminish. Nothing's so terrible anymore, because we have the tools to move through it with skill that has been cultivated.
I'm thrilled to pieces for Rebecca's growth in her maturity; emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Her three rocks tag-team, is very depicting of how our parts will have little groups that support each other. An example is the addict, the troublemaker, and the scared-one are a common triad.
These three rocks that we met in this session are completely awesome! The instinct, the heart, and the logical part. Like the Father - the logical part, the mother - the heart, and the child - the timid one. Balance and cooperation. When we can accomplish this within ourselves, we become better game players with others.
Life is so beautiful when we create choice for ourselves.
At the finish of our session, when her parts from other sessions joined in and they integrated with each other makes me particularly tearfully joyful.
She's coming home to herself.
That's Self actualization.