I took a half hour before our session to do some self healing work – get centered – allowing all my energies to come forth and feel safe. I was experiencing nervous energy.
I was a bit off my game and didn’t set the room up properly. I forgot to turn off the main house phone so if it rang it wouldn’t disturb me. I also got “critter talked” into allowing the dog and one of my cats in the room. They sort of pushed their way in. At first they were fast asleep but during the session, they did interrupt. Note to self: Take the time to set up the room for peace and quiet.
Right before Ursula called, I began to get really nervous. Twice during our session I had to run to the bathroom. I continued to breathe and stay focused. I was able to figure how to deal with the disturbances. I’m happy to say none of these distractions really messed up our subconscious work.
I had a lot on my mind. But once we began, things began to unfold.
We spoke about the holidays. It wasn’t as much fun as I would have liked because my son and mom caught a cold and my husband had a stomach virus. Yuck. I was nurse and house maid. It was scary watching my mom who is 82 become really sick. My husband had a horrible stomach virus and was in bed for two days. My son was a bit freaked watching his dad and grandmother sick. I had to hold up and be the strong one. Inside I was terrified too, felt overwhelmed, and was challenged with my OCD tendencies and germ phobia. Cleaning up after sick people can get pretty messy – and in order to get through it I had to pull myself together. I did it.
After 2018 began, my struggles with panic disorder (horrible and intense panic attacks) seemed to rise to the surface. I’ve been breathing, trying to invite all the energies, even panicky energy, with open arms – willing to hear and speak to my inner self with love.
The first image to come up was a snake. It looked like a cobra. It coiled itself up and showed its fangs. I was guided to ask what it wanted to tell me. It didn’t want to bite me. It wanted me to start working on and learning to protect myself against other people’s venom.
I’ve been feeling very vulnerable about letting people in. I’m scared. It’s hard for me. I’m afraid if I let people in they will abandon me. I’m still very raw about my falling out with my longtime friend. I’m just not over it yet. It still hurts.
The snake’s energy felt wise, direct and calm. It communicated it is important to make sure I don’t invite people in and allow them to bite me. It’s important right now, especially while working through my anxiety and feeling vulnerable ,that I protect myself during this process.
I got choked up when discussing a conversation I had with a close friend of mine. I’ve repeatedly told her and those I love – I will do anything within my power to be there for them. I'm clear that I need clarity, honesty and I need them to be up front with me and to understand my limitations too.
My main priority is my son. I want to take care of myself. I want to keep myself healthy both in mind and body. I want to be the best version of myself to teach him these skills as well.
Ursula asked me to imagine opening up the top of my head – (she called this the CROWN CHAKRA). She said allow light to come in – allow the light in to protect me and push out anything that is not needed. She asked me to surround myself with white light – to focus on protecting myself from toxicity from others. She reminded me to protect my vulnerable self any time including when I’m out in the outside world.
The next image to come forward was a small mouse. The mouse was hiding things. I asked what he was hiding. He said his hurts and sadness. Then I began to cry. I felt sad for the little mouse. He was ashamed and sad about all these hurts which he felt he needed to hide. I was instructed to ask the mouse to put all that stuff down and ask it would it be okay if he let it go of all it. I told him he didn’t need all that. I asked the mouse if I could take care of him. He didn’t have to worry, run around, hide things and run the show. The little mouse was content to curl up next to me and relax.
It was very clear to me seeing the little mouse moving so fast and shuffling things, when asked if I could take care of him – he was happy to curl up in the palm of my hand, close to me. He just wanted to be safe. It a was happy, relaxing and very nice image.
An image of me as a little girl presented itself. The young me was scared. I was instructed to tell her that I’ve got this. She need not worry. I was instructed to tell her, I’m here and that she can feel safe with me.
Ursula asked me if I loved myself. I began to tear up. I was uncomfortable. She asked me if I felt likable or liked myself. I said I’m not sure. We dug a little further – and I clearly saw my life growing up was mostly about drama. My family never seemed comfortable in a peaceful state. I realized too, I created a pattern, where I’m not comfortable with peace. I want peace. I want to feel comfortable in a peaceful state. But there is a tendency to pick and pick and find drama. Just the awareness that this a habit - I felt something shift. I had a moment of clarity - being aware means there is a possibility this habit could change. Along with practice, using new tools, I can have a life of more peace than drama.
After the images stopped, some feelings about my husband rose to the surface of my mind. I’ve been frustrated and feeling disconnected with him.
Ursula felt it was important to take steps to reconnect with him. She suggested cuddle time. Just five minutes every day. No drama. Don’t ask him of anything except to just lie and cuddle. She said it is important that men feel like the hero. She said let your husband be the hero during cuddle time.
We closed the session giving thanks for the work we did together.
*That night my husband came to me. He walked up to me. I said, “Do you want to sit with me?” He said, “Yes, I just waned to sit with my wife”. I said perfect. I told him about cuddle time. He liked it. So did I.
We have been trying to have some kind of cuddle time every day. At least to be close to each other, hug each other, take a walk - just be there for each other.
Days following the session - I took small notes:
I’ve been talking the snake and mouse.
I have had a lot of anxiety. I’m trying to remind myself to pull out my tools and use them. I take time for myself. I practice opening up my top CROWN chakra and let the light inside. I have been breathing and doing my own meditational self therapy work as well between sessions.
I'm very aware, as I've mentioned in my book - it isn't important to focus on a "cure" for anxiety - but to focus on self love. It's important to practice with patience, kindness and compassion for all the parts that exist inside.
And from Ursula's perspective she wrote: If you want to listen to Ursula with audio: anchor.fm/ursulas-podcasts/episodes/And-Were-Back--Ursula--17-Jan-18-Mental-Girl-e1jua6/a-a2pg6f
In just a few sessions I'm noticing Rebecca's growth. It's so obvious to me. As a metaphysician I see everything in energetic reference. I will feel before I think. I will ask you before I contemplate. The further we move away from mind and all it's chitter-chatter, the closer we get to truth.
In the session work Rebecca is able to stay more focused. In spite of physical distractions and disruptions all of her parts were able to sit and listen to whoever was the center of attention at that moment. Similar to when there's several children in the family and one child is getting all the attention, the other children want to interrupt and get attention too. When we get excited, our inner parts are similar in that way. Rebecca is able to hold space for her Parts and the other parts are willing to hold Space too. That's a sign of emotional maturity. It's so lovely for me to watch the quick growth of self love and compassion.
This is not for the faint-hearted. This is real work. It's scary, awkward and uncomfortable - and that's what makes this obviously real. The real things in life are that way. New Beginnings, difficult conversations, making mistakes and figuring out how to correct them - when we're sick, dealing with sex, facing trials and tribulations.
I was so excited when I read that Rebecca's husband made the first move for cuddle time. That's the universe and action right there! That's how the world around us will respond to us when we change inside.
I love watching miracles like that happen! It makes me giggle. It's the signature of God In My Mind.