Okay, still not getting the selfie thing down, at all. I'm not sure where I'm looking in this picture. I can't figure out where to look. I picked this one apart too. I took three quick pictures in the car. I went to the market this morning. I put on a little light pink lipstick, my signature black cap, and a pretty calm attitude. I was going to take a picture in the market. I forgot. I get so overwhelmed in the market. There are so many choices. I'm also usually a little nervous about making sure things are sealed, the expiration dates are okay, and nothing is damaged. It's a lot to think about.
It was nice. There was a very friendly worker stocking the freezers. He wanted to chat about life. He said there are too many people around here. I agreed. We laughed a little. It's hot. There are a lot fires around. So there was ash sprinkling down all over the city. The air quality is not good right now and there is a weird orange glow in the neighborhood. Aside, from that, it was a normal morning and trip to the store.
Until I got home. I didn't like the way the bagels looked when I took them out of the package. Oh, I bought bagels. It really upset me. I didn't want to go back and return them. I was disappointed we couldn't have them for breakfast. And then....I had a little mini meltdown. I felt.....weird. And there is my topic. Weird.
I did a podcast this morning. Here it is:
Here I was, standing in my kitchen, feeling weird, frustrated, angry and overwhelmed. Can you say opportunity? I just get so frustrated wondering, is it me? Am I took picky? The other day, I went to eat a sandwich at a restaurant, (one I like and a place we even know the owner) and there was a hair in it! Yuck! They were super nice about it. But it really tapped into my OCD, worry about germs, and just sadness - why can't people be more careful?
I notice things a lot. Or....I am the only one who gets plates with food on them, glasses that aren't clean, and bread that looks a little moldy. Is it just me? Oh I hope not.
I took a deep breath in the kitchen, remembering my podcast and the topic for today. Okay, I need to own my weird. Some of this isn't even weird. It is triggering stuff for me. But it is simple. I don't like the bread. I can return it. It's just I return a lot of bread. Can't they make decent bread? Can't they have bread in the stores that is fresh? Deep breath. It's ok. Yes, it's annoying that I need to return it. Well, I have the option of throwing it away too. There are options. I just need to pick the one that makes sense and has a good resolution.
Deep breathing again.
So I took this picture before my meltdown, so you can imagine, I'm not being very nice to myself about the picture now. My anger has been stirred up, so now I'm poking everything. I'm irritated that I can't take a good selfie, I don't take time to dress up a little more in the morning, and my fucking hand still hurts from arthritis!
Own the weird. Feel the weird. It's okay to have feelings.
Yes, it's okay to have feelings.
I just need to remember not to get so worked up that I light emotional fires around and upset people around me. I need to contain the inner rage, and use inner self love to get through the feelings. Fuck the bagels. I will deal with them later.
Okay, I'll glance over this blog a little - but I'm weird. I'm not going to overdo it and pick it apart. This is how I feel today.
Embrace your weird!