If you've been beating yourself up, criticizing, judging, blaming, and just plain being hard on yourself for a long time - it's going to take some time to learn how to be nice to yourself. You may, like me, have been one of those "too nicers" - and you thought other people liking you validated your existence - or you measured your worth on what others thought of you - or you were always nicer to other people than you were to yourself.
Well, once you pull out of that - take a deep breath - ask yourself - who am I? What do I like? How do I want to be treated? What are my boundaries? What is my part in all of this? And stand tall and say, I would like to make my life better because….well....I want to and I have a desire to like myself.
Oh the world just looks so much different from this perspective. I now feel I don't have to peek out anymore. I don't have to feel shame for being ME.
The first time I looked in the mirror - really looked - and noticed the melancholy and the abandonment - I was sad. Then I looked again and I saw something. It was a spark. It was a dammit! No! This isn't suppose to be like this! I have sass! I have frass! I can combine my sass and frass! I can still be nice to others. But I get the nice first! The spark was beautiful. It was small. It had to be fanned, encouraged and fed.
I now get up in the mornings and say my self loving - self care - statements. I know my subconscious is still listening. I'm happy my subconscious aids me a lot more now than it used to - and I'm headed in the right direction. It's not about perfection. I stumbled. I still stumble. I'll get into some spiral of sadness and my subconscious hears and says - oh we're sad! Hold up! She wants to be sad! Let's look around at all things sad. Bring the sadness to her attention. So I start fanning, encouraging and reminding myself - it's OK - but let's pick it up - I see the sad - but I also want to see the solution.
So I begin to speak to myself again - with loving tones. I'm worthy. I deserve to be here. I'm courageous, clear, calm, brave - I can solve things! Then...my subconscious says - hold up! Stop the sadness! She's turning - she's heading in another direction! Show her evidence of bravery, courage and clarity. And my mind will start to see it.
I took a couple pictures this morning - while on my walk in the rain. I set out with my frizzy hair up in a bun, no makeup, and a smile on my face. So I took some pictures. I looked at them - and at first I thought - oh dear - is that how you went out? And then my sass and frass (and Mental Girl) came beside me and said YES! And it's fantastic! No muss - no fuss.
I did some great healing work this week! Some really good subconscious work.
I did my podcast this morning:
Hang in there. This is NOT something that happens overnight. Wait! In my opinion, and in my experience it didn't happen overnight for me. Because it may - for YOU. So, in my experience - this takes practice, time, and patience. But it did happen. There was a shift. There were slips and falls. There were hits and misses. There were scores and touchdowns. Oh what the hell am I saying? Look - just take it nice and slow. Hang in there with Mental Girl. Remember Mental Girl encourages you to find your inner superhero. Find her/him.
Once they reveal themselves (or rather once you notice them) it's going to be amazing!
Start looking for your costume!