It's Monday. Had a lovely weekend. But boy was it hard getting up this morning. I really REALLY wanted to sleep in...like not do anything and just stare out the window, fall back asleep...stare again....maybe eat...and then sleep. I just didn't want to think, feel, do or...and then...I got up. I knew that this was not a day for that. I didn't feel depressed...but I didn't want that mood turning into a depressive state. I knew if I acted on that mood, but the end of the day I would be feeling sad, because I have responsibilities.
So I got up and slathered on the self care. I have been comparing it to sunscreen. You protect yourself out in the sun when you need to...why not with mental health sunscreen? Put it on every day. Even when you think you don't need it, slather it on. Especially the days when you're feeling a little off...that's when you just pour it on. So I did. I was up, out, went for a walk, did a podcast and got a chore done.
Here's the podcast.
I felt better after I reached out and talked to you guys. I know you aren't right here with me...but as I'm talking and sharing my thoughts - I feel less alone. I sure do hope my babbling helps in some way for you too.
I've been making little videos and posting on Instagram.
So! Last week! I started on a new project - an art project. And so far, I'm pleased that it's going well. I've done two exercises. I included pictures for you to see. I draw with a #2 pencil and then after that, I make copies and I add a little color. Because, why not?
I took a peek at the next exercise and I can see they are getting a little more challenging. But I didn't think I was going to do well at any of it. I was doubtful I would have any fun - but I am!
I'll see what comes up this week.
So see Rebecca? Okay - hold on - I'm going to chat with myself for a little bit. Isn't it great that you practice self love and self care? Do you see how it works? I do! I really do.
Okay - back to you guys. Seriously - I do. This isn't to say I don't have my human moments. I'm bitchy, twitchy and itchy at times. But the discomfort is less BECAUSE of the self care stuff. It sends this message to my subconscious that I can handle it. Then my subconscious works extra hard to get shit done. And again...our subconscious doesn't know right from wrong, fear from calm, truth from fiction. It just acts and behaves as we give it the information. So give it a lot of love, kindness, and reassurance and it really starts to rock for us.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for your support.
I really appreciate it.
So as you know, well I hope you know...I hope you know about them...I hope you...ooops...rambling. I'm talking about my Mental Girl books - both 1 and 2. Both can be purchased on e-book on Amazon. Right now. Yep. Grab your copy.
Working on my Mental Girl books took a lot of my "creative" time and energy. Which was great. I'm glad I gave the books attention. I'm actually still doing it because, I'm working on making it possible...no not possible...making it official...no, that's not the word...I'm making it happen...oh I'm rambling...Mental Girl book 1 AND 2 will soon be out in paperback. How cool is that? I'm excited, because I will be able to hold them in my hands! So stay tuned for that announcement.
In the meantime, I decided not to stop myself from working on other projects as well. I've got a few shuffling around right now. Yes, I work on projects the way I read books, write journals, and well...write this blog. I stop and start. I go the way my creative wind blows. It doesn't make me a millionaire...and I'm sure it's not the way the "professionals" do it...but it's my way. I've always admitted I'm a work in progress and I do things my own way.
The other day, a friend was over helping me get Mental Girl book 1 ready for paperback. She could see it takes a lot of work, support and help. She saw my excitement but also my finger nail biting. However...I proudly told her...that I was working on some other things. One...I got giddy talking about...is an idea for a graphic novel. I've written a few YA novels. I have a children's e-book on Amazon. If you want to check out my e-books...click up there at the top - see that button that says "MY BOOKS"...yeah...click on that...go on...I can wait. Oh...you can also do it later. No pressure.
Anyhoo...I told her I was rolling around a fun idea for a graphic novel, but I was just doing the writing part. I told her, if I do get this book finished, I'm going to need an illustrator. Which is NOT easy to find. You either have to pay a lot of money for someone...or hope you have some talent...and do the whole thing yourself. I currently have a children's book on the market and I haven't found an illustrator yet. So...my friend, who is always pushing me along to succeed and soar asked me "why don't you do the drawings?" I said, "me? Oh no...I don't draw. I doodle. I doodle trees and happy faces, but I don't draw." She said, "everyone can draw." Then she recommended a book to me. She really got on a roll trying to convince me to open my brain to the possibility of drawing for my own books. She told me about Betty Edwards' book "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain". After she left, I went on Amazon and found the book. I was about to get it, when I saw the workbook. I thought...I'm going for the workbook. Why not? And I got it. Then I really got it...when it was delivered the next day!
So that's my new project. I decided to blog about the process. Let's see how far I get. Okay, that sounded a little pessimistic. I am pleased that I'm trying new things. I do believe you can change the way you see, view, and do things. I think it's important to have faith in yourself and believe that you can learn anything that you want to learn. So dangnabbit! I'm going to try this for size!
I've included some pics. See up at the top? That's when I just got the book. I sat...wait...I layed...dangit...wait...I hear my father in my head...you lie down on the couch...you lay an egg. Anyway - I nuzzled under the covers with our dog Ruby nestled beside me and began reading the book. I'm only on the first part. The BEGINNING - the forward, which is very inspiring. There is a part that totally worked for me. She called it the 2 minute rule. It was about getting started. Just start. Give it 2 minutes. See where it goes. I thought - I can do 2 minutes. Right?
I actually continued to read the next part. It was a list of the materials I need. I'm a little overwhelmed by the list. I have most of it. But not all of it. I'm going to do my best. I went for it and read just a little more (it was over 2 minutes) and got through the Glossary of Terms as well- but after that I fell asleep. The glossary - well it pooped me out a little. I didn't understand all the words. I tend to daydream when I read. If the book gets too wordy, technical, or goes on and on and on without any humor - I begin to get sleepy. That's on me. It's the not the author. It's just the way my brain has always worked. I think I get over loaded with information - than I have guilt and shame that I don't understand - then I flip to trying really REALLY hard to understand the information - and if I find myself having the same struggle over and over - I'm back to shame and guilt and then I get tired. I'm aware of this now. I accept this about myself. And I'm happy to say, even though I still will feel guilt and shame, I shake that shit off. Who needs too much of that? Right?
So, I'm back to the "just try 2 minutes" attempt. I do like that. I can apply that to reading the material as well.
So stay tuned....there's more.
At first I woke up and I had the attitude...you know the one...it's fucking Monday. I began the crawl. The look around. The deep sigh.
Then, I thought no! It's Monday dammit! It's my Monday. And I have things to celebrate. I have things to be grateful for. I....I...I need my coffee.
I went for a little walk this morning and did a podcast.
I came back and made myself a delicious cup of Joe. I'm sipping it right now as I type. Well, not as I type. In between typing...you get the drift.
Mental Girl book 2 came out! That's exciting! I got my first review and it was a good one! I'm excited. Here's the link to the book.
I finished and published a book! (That is the cover picture from the book! And down there is another picture in the book!) That's pretty frickin' frackin' cool! Right? I mean, look..I know it's not...oh no! No you will not do that Rebecca. Did you know where I was going reader? I was going to...ssssh....but I just want to tell them...no sssshhh...but I want to explain myself...SSSSSHH.
Okay, I'll be proud.
And I'll say to you, be proud of who you are dear reader. Be proud of what you do. No ands, ifs or buts...which what I was about to do but I won't because I know I'll ssshhh myself again...and oh no....here she comes!
Go out and grab Monday by the balls and have at it! Do you your thing!
I'm glad you are here.
Thanks for your support.
I appreciate you.
There's me to the left in my "fancy" morning get up. There are the sandal sneakers I've been talking about. They are comfy. They will do while I heal. And I've got my fun socks on. I'm all right with it. No shame!
All right - so I did a podcast this morning, but it appears to have gotten shuffled and mixed in with Mondays. After you listen to it - today's will be right behind. That's weird. I don't know how that happened. I mean, I can imagine it's because I'm not "electronic" savy and I clicked something and it went and attached itself to the Monday morning's podcast. Well, oh well. Here it is: (I tried to figure out if I could just attach only Friday's. I'm not sure it worked. If it starts with Monday's - Friday's will follow).
I woke up this morning with so much chatter. But now - that chatter has turned into creative chatter. I've got ideas! So stay tuned. I want to make some fun Mental Girl videos.
Also....I'm so excited.....not only is Mental Girl book 2 about to make it's appearance on Amazon.....I'm excited to say Mental Girl book 1 will be turned into a paperback! It's so cool! And....I'm going to make Mental Girl book 2 in both e-book and paperback too! So frickin' exciting! I'm definitely getting one for myself. I too - even though I wrote it - need to remind myself of my own Mental Girl advice. So having a copy that I can feel in my hands is going to be AWESOME!
I've been posting videos and pictures on Instagram. And I am so pleased to say I've gained some good attention. People seem to feel good to watch and see me. I like that. That pleases me. Of course the validation feels wonderful and gratifying. But it also feels great to make others feel good. That's the goal. To feel good, and to make others feel good. A win, win!
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for your support.
A toast! To us brave warriors on the healing path!
Top of the morning to ya! Nah...I'm not that chipper. But I just felt like saying it. Seeing as I celebrated St. Patty's Day yesterday with the family - and appreciated my Irish roots - well I'm still feeling the sass this morning.
I went out for a walk. I did a podcast.
Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt this morning. Simple, short statements. Saw my friend, in her pajamas, out walking, because she had to move her car for street cleaning. We hugged. But we kept the conversation at a minimum. We were both getting up and starting our "human" engines. We parted ways and I went for a stroll. Yeah, a stroll. As I mention in my podcast, I have a bruise on my toe, so a long walk wasn't happening this morning. And I'm bummed.
I came home, and I made myself some breakfast and coffee. Oooh - that was a good thing. I found a new coffee. Boyd's Red Wagon Organic coffee. I never heard of it. I saw it at the store. It looked good. You slap on organic and I'm there. But you know what? It's delicious. I'm pleased about that. I've been trying to find a new coffee I could get excited about. I think this is one I can get excited about right now.
I've been doing short silly videos on Instagram.
Just playing around from time to time.
Oooh - and Mental Girl book 2 is getting closer and closer to be ready to go on sale on Amazon. I'm excited about that.
See? All right - I'm taking a moment - deep breath - to acknowledge those things in the past few days that gave me a lot of joy. No - not that which didn't. Or that. Or that. But that. And that. And that. Deep breath.
Take those moments of bliss. They are yours. They are mine. It's OK - you have the other stuff. We all do. But those moments - usually simple and delightful for me - deep breath - oh....those are nice.
I'm glad you are here.
Thank you for your support.
I appreciate you.
Wow...this has been an interesting week.
Butterflies came from Mexico migrating to Oregon. A billion butterflies! We were driving through cities and saw tons and tons and TONS of them....moving fast....on a mission. It really was something to see. So magical and breathtaking. These beautiful creatures flying through our state just confident and determined to get where they needed to go.
I tried to take a little video. It was hard. They were smaller and it was hard to capture them since they were moving so fast. They went over our house and our yard too. But at some point a few of them landed near me and let me do a little photo shoot. I posted some pictures on Instagram.
I've been having epiphanies all week. I had moments when I was getting irritated in traffic. Rude people. I would feel hurt, insulted, or disrespected and then the rage would build. Thank goodness Mental Girl would remind me - "NO! We're appreciating the butterflies. Don't let them take away your good feeling." I would have these inner discussions. Why am I getting mad? Sure it's frustrating. But I'm not going to teach them with my rage. I'm not going to make changes by getting even more angry. And more important - I don't want to take my attention away from my family who is in the car with me. And when I was alone - I would breathe. Drive safe. Be safe. It's okay. I don't need to do other people's work for them. I can stay in my lane. Stay on my path. Shake it off baby.
And then another inner mind jolt. The work I need to do starts within. Work on my own house. I don't need to be in other people's business.
I had another one last night - wow! This inner work does take a lot of patience and I will keep going and going and going and going. I can even find humor in it. Oh.....there's that drama - you want that Rebecca? Well, if you don't want it - which I know you don't - because you are healing and growing - so drop it. Go on...drop it. Oh....so you're in complain mood huh? Does that feel good? What's the flip side to that? Oh I know - you think complaining about someone is going to change it - or make you feel better about you. Is it working? (me - looking sheepish - no) - so what about - flipping the switch? Oh sure I become the butt-er lady. Do you know who that is? But...but...but...but...(but they did, she did, it did - it's not fair!)
It's cool when I get those mind tingles. Sure - sometimes - I want to say - no - not now! I am in bitch or twitch mode. But my true self - the one who wants to make change, transform, grow and heal - says - well - your choice. But over here - doing inner work - doing inner healing - is sooooo much better.
I included some cool memes and quotes.
I did a podcast this morning.
Oooooh - and Mental Girl book 2 is almost ready to go on Amazon! So exciting!
Glad you are here.
Thanks for your support.
I appreciate you.
Yes, I wrote the title write...I mean right? Oooh, that could get addicting. Well, do you get it? Computer....bytes? And then it really means bites? Oh screw it. You either got it or you didn't...and I'll never know anyway. It was just a goofy silly thing I felt like doing. I feel silly even explaining it. You're not supposed to explain jokes. I'm not that great at telling jokes. I forget stuff...and I'll say the punchline too soon. I really love a good joke teller. The ones who keep you on the edge of your seat, you want more, their inflections and tone pull you in...and then you're laughing your ass off. I need some good laughs right now.
So...do I sound angry? Sad? Well....I was a bit more angry and sad than usual last week. I've managed to come down a little...which I'm very much relieved to say...and feel.
Social media bit me a little last week. I got a good dose of "I think you need to put shit into perspective Rebecca?" And..."I think you better call on Mental Girl and start taking your own advice, because you next book is all about...." I know! I know!
I took some shit personally. I got hurt by social media "friends" or followers or whatever you want to call them...and I just got fucking sad. I thought they were nice. Well, some of them are...actually most of them are...but there are some....and I got spooked.
It's OK. I processed. I'm working through it. I'm taking a little break from it to cool down and work on myself. Deep breath.
I actually did manage to have a great weekend. I got stuff done. I got organized. I got productive. I had some exercise. A lot of exercise. I aired out. I'm pleased.
So now what? Well..I'm going to take a few more days...just to get my power back...and then I'll go in with a more conservative approach. I came to social media to connect and relate and help out when and if I can. I'll still do that. I'll take a dip in from time to time to see if I can catch some smiles and silliness.
I did a podcast this morning.
And of course...I still do some silly videos and post pictures on Instagram.
So that's pretty much it...at the moment. Oh wait! The book. Yes! I've been working with my editor on Mental Girl book 2! And it's coming. It's looking great. I'll give you some inside information. It's about surviving the internet. Interested? I think it should be good. So stay tuned....
Wow, it appears I need to beef up my self care routine.
I just keep picking up worries, what ifs, and overthinking thoughts....and why?! I don't need to do this. I can put them down! Mental Girl! She's here. I can feel here with me.
I went out this morning and went for a walk. I did a podcast.
It felt good to walk and talk. I apologize if the city sounds are distracting or annoying to you. One of these days, I'll get my audio working better. But for now, I feel it gives a "real life" vibe...because I am doing them...while walking...in real life. I've gotten so comfortable doing them, I don't pause the recording as much when I see someone coming or cars pass me. I don't worry about it. They don't know what I'm doing. Only you and I do.
I've also been doing little short videos on Instagram.
So, after my walk and podcast, I went to get a coffee. At first I couldn't think where to go. I go to several places. But one place, has been a bit disappointing lately. My coffees are not cheap. It's a splurge. I like my coffee buying experience to come with a good feeling. This one place, I like the owner, but the women working there, have been a bit grumpy lately when I go. I know it's not me. But I'm a regular! So...I thought, where can I go, to get a good muffin and a good coffee, with a good vibe. So I got in the car, turned on some comedians and began my adventure to find a good coffee. I did find a good coffee. And even better, an epiphany. Here it is:
It's all bullshit.
All this stuff I worry about and fret about - it's bullshit.
We're all complaining, living in our lives, thinking that what we do and who we are is so worthy of all this thinking...and it's...NOT. In my opinion. And let me continue...cause that sounds really rude.
It's ok, to believe in bullshit. It's okay to overthink. It's OK to worry about bullshit. It's OK, to own and have bullshit. But just know it's bullshit. Be aware. It comes in....and it goes out. But guess what? That bullshit is yours. Mine is mine. We can do whatever we like with our bullshit. Play with it, worry about it, talk about it, don't talk about it, share it, or keep it all for ourselves. Just know - we ALL have it. We're all trying to make sense and work through our bullshit. See?
Does that still sound rude? Because I'm going more for relief, relate and relax.
Take this. We put celebrities up on a pedestal. We think they are so wise and so powerful and sooo....whatever. They are filled with bullshit too. Whisper: Sometimes more than us!
Our politicians, our leaders, our doctors, lawyers, and whatever professionals you think are better than you...NOPE...they have bullshit too.
So.....deep breath. When I thought about my bullshit...and all that I think, worry and what if about - I thought - OK.....that's it....it was just OK.
I'm not sure if you may have just had the thought I have gone around the bend...or that I am in fact full of bullshit (which I just admitted to - so that shouldn't come as a surprise)....but....BUT....try it. Look at your stuff, both physical and emotional. Bullshit.
Now...if you look at your stuff like bullshit....just plain ole' in and out bullshit....you can then say...
Yes...I deal with my own bullshit.
I own my own bullshit.
I'm healing through my own bullshit.
I might always have this bullshit.
Hey...I've let go of that bullshit.
You might have a little more fun in the in betweens...and THAT....is where the 5 minutes of bliss can be found. Oooooooooh delicious. I speak of it in Mental Girl book 1. I love the 5 minute bliss moments. Yum!
All right onward....I need to deal and work through my bullshit today. Good luck with yours!
I found this quote and I liked it.
Glad you are here.
I appreciate your support.
Practice self care.
I'm working through the nervous nellies. Is that what I call them? I don't know. I'm anxious.
I am seeing a new doctor today. I need a physical. But I really REALLY liked my old doctor,who retired. How dare he! He was great. He was funny, lighthearted and he knew me. He got me.
I hope this one is the same way.
I did a podcast about my feelings this morning.
I actually was more nervous at the beginning of the week than I am now. Which is good. I guess because now it's reality time.
I've done some work this week and built my confidence up. I just hope that confidence walks in the room with me when I meet him. I am 50 now, sometimes I forget to bring stuff with me.
I have found it is REALLY important for me to set boundaries, be as open and honest as I can be about who I am. I mean, sometimes, it is not worth it with certain people. Those types, I walk away.
But for the ones in my life, either close, friends or...doctors....I want to feel I can remain me.
So.....here I go. I'm taking a lot of deep breaths.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for being supportive.
Thanks for being.....YOU.
I am currently working on Mental Girl book 2. If you haven't read book 1, you can still purchase it for a low price on Amazon. Go to the section called my books and you can click on the link.
That is all....for now.