I'm having weird images, thoughts, and words pass through my mind today. At first, when the dark ones come, I get a little jolt. In the past, this would have sent me into quite a spiral of judgement, worry, fear, and uncertainty. Why am I having these thoughts? Am I mean? What's wrong with me?
Now? I look at them and let them go. I say, well what do we have here? Wonder where that came from? That doesn't resonate with me. I'll let those go.
Progress. It's a really good feeling.
They're just thoughts. And who knows? I know I'm sensitive and feel things more intensely than some, and maybe...just maybe my "brain radio station" crossed with someone else's. I might be hearing other people's thoughts. Having scary thoughts come into my mind, kind of feels like having walking nightmares. When we have nightmares while we sleep, from my understanding, it's the subconscious working hard and pulling out images and creating a story, -but it really isn't real. I did a podcast this morning and spoke a little bit about it.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm NOT hearing voices. I'm sorting through thoughts - and thoughts sometimes sound like a dialogue in my brain. But I have choice. I'm not going to hold on to these dark thoughts, worries and passing images - when they don't feel like they are really me.
Let me tell you, this new way of thinking is groundbreaking stuff for me. These thoughts used to derail me. They still upset me from time to time. But now I'm okay with the upset. If they are mean, intolerant or unkind thoughts - I'm glad they upset me. I take this to mean, my true self, says oh no! Blech! However, my true self, also says, don't worry about those thoughts - let those go. I know the routine. Deep breath. Kind self talk. Remind myself I'm on a healing path. It's OK.
Okay, so let's chat a little bit about my self improvement project. I'm really excited that after a bunch of emails that I sent out, writing to different makeup and skin care companies asking for free samples to try out - one of the companies wrote me back and offered to send me free samples. Oh it was a lovely, personal, kind email from a woman who runs this small company. It's called Botanic Organic and here is a link to their site.
I haven't tried any of their products yet, but so far, their customer service is exceptional.
The email I received was so sweet. The woman liked my website, really liked my message about my work on my own self care and self love, working on liking and loving myself, and being open about who I am. It was really nice. She shared some personal stories with me. I felt so honored and touched. I'm looking forward to receiving the samples and I'll keep you posted.
Okay, so selfie time. I decided to find a picture I took within the last few days, and use my new fun app to make the picture a little silly. I'll admit, I don't like the picture. But that's part of the progress. Who cares? It's me. I think it's brave to post a picture with no filters, no makeup, nothing fancy. I was working with this new app on my phone and got so frustrated trying to figure out the buttons, so I just turned it into a meme.
Breathe. It's just a pic.