Okay, so I'm in my element. It's raining. I love the sound of rain. I love the feel of rain, the look of rain and the smell of rain. All right, I don't like when I get wet, especially my feet. And I don't like how people ruin rain by driving aggressively in it or they complain about it or....one of my sour moods ruins it.
I do understand it's hard for some people who have to walk in it, wait for the bus in it, or have to drive far in a commute in it with other people around. I just wanted you to know I wasn't being all Pollyanna about the whole thing. I just really like the rain. But I get grumpy in it too.
I did this morning. It had nothing to do with the rain. It was me. I woke up - stretched - got ready - got my gear together and I argued with my fence. It blew shut on me. And that....for some reason - took me on a little grumpus bumpus ride. But I got thought it the minute I got out into that rain. I even got rained on and wet but by then I was in a better mood.
I did a podcast this morning:
Now while I was out getting my coffee, I felt good. I liked seeing the clean city. But I vacillated between moods. I was sad seeing homeless trying to take shelter under awnings. I got a little irritated (I think more hurt) at my coffee place because the barista wasn't as nice to me when I gave her a good tip. That's my money and I'm sharing it with her. The coffee isn't cheap.
I got back in the car, feeling all of my feelings and then reminded myself I needed to stay safe on the road. So I turned on some music and started to sing. That felt good.
I have thoughts and feelings all day long. I'm not proud of some of thoughts. I get mad. I get irritated. I got irritated while writing this because a family member keeps shuffling back and forth around me and it's bugging me. But I do appreciate and value, now, that I can look observe and noticed my moods, investigate, and sort through them. I try to figure what's up? Why the judgement? Why the criticism? Why the anger? Why the irritation? Why the blame? Either on myself or others. I try to take deep breaths. I try and watch my tongue. That's a big one. I try and remind myself not to shoot verbal daggers while in a funk.
I was really pleased when I saw so many plays on my podcasts this morning. That really felt good. I felt delighted actually. But also - I have that hope - they're helping. I know they help me. Speaking to you all reminds me of the constant work I'm doing on myself. It reminds I'm still healing. It reminds me to stay humble.
Thank you so much for the support out there. It's really nice to feel it.
Keep up with your self care work.
Keep up with your self love.
Keep up with your commitment to yourself.
It's worth it.