Wow. I don't learn new tools, have an AHA moment and then everything is right as rain. Nope. I go over it and over it and over it...and practice again and again and again. But I'm hanging in there! I'm here! It IS a lot of work.
I took a walk with a friend yesterday and I said to her "it's like having a pebble in my shoe. I'm out walking and have about a half hour until I get home. Am I going to be in pain the whole way, or will I take the time to lean against a wall or sit down for a second and take that frickin' pebble out? Okay, I've left the pebble in before. But not anymore! I want to walk in comfort. I want to live in comfort. Allowing people to walk all over me, be rude, or not speak up - is like a pebble in my shoe.
Let me tell you, being my authentic self, honoring who I am, speaking from my relaxed self with kindness but declaring boundaries - it takes patience. There are times it doesn't feel comfortable because I'm finding out the person I'm talking to doesn't respect me. Urgh. Now, they may WANT to respect me and now have to relearn and let go of some old habits - ways they were treating me. - so we can have a better relationship. But he others? Out those go! I don't want to live feeling like everyone is more important? Not for me! Not anymore. I am important. YOU are important. This is not for the faint of heart. Let me tell you. I get nervous, flustered, angry, scared and want to back up! Back up! But once I get going - and I've gotten going - it feels really good after the discomfort passes. I want to find and hang with people who like me for me - instead of how I let them walk all over me - or I'm just there to hear their monologues.
As I wrote in Mental Girl, being too nice - no good. Sure, be nice - but sprinkle that nice shit on yourself.
All right...here's today's podcast:
Have a great weekend. A toast to us - the us who are pulling up our bootstraps and feeling and seeing and experiencing the value to the self care work. A toast to us - who are willing to brave the discomfort - to have better relationships. You are NOT alone in this - and you won't be alone in this - I believe our tribe is out there. There are many people out there doing this work too. I'm here.