I'm up. That's what I've got to brag about right now. I'm up - I got moving - went for my walk - went to the market - and now I'm back. And I'm still up. I say that because I would like to go back to sleep. Just curl under the warm covers and just sleep. But I know - if I do that - I won't feel good after I get up. I like to save those "climb back and snuzzle" moments for when I'm deliciously into it - it's like a treat. Not because I've got some grouchies going on.
I woke up from some funky dreams, felt achy and having some weird thoughts. I was frustrated that I still get those weird dark thoughts. I spoke a little bit about in today's podcast. Here it is:
Let's put it this way - I like the cartoon Maxine. I think she's a hoot. I like putting up her funny cartoons. But I don't want to live in Maxine's world. She is grouchy - all the time. Yes, I'm realizing this "growth" and "healing" stuff takes a lot of energy. It takes daily practice. It takes awareness. It's 24/7. But I'm also realizing it's worth it. Because what is the alternative? I do not want to be grouchy, angry, bitter, scared, fearful - all the time. No - not for me. Okay - so all of my dark thoughts, my worrying thoughts are not out yet. Well - it stands to reason I was given them for a reason. Sure - I've used it as a weird self punishing tool - but it wasn't, in my belief - designed for that. I don't have to use those dark thoughts for that any longer. I think we need them. We need the contrast. We need the edge. It keeps us aware and questioning shit. Right? That's my thought.
So the daily work - ok. I get it. I'm on it. Chop wood, carry water. If you don't remember, I spoke about it in a blog a while back. Also - I speak about it in my work with Ursula in the section Unveiling With Ursula.
It's ok Rebecca. It's OK. I think it's nice to tell myself that from time to time. It feels good. It's me telling me - I've got you. I see you. I feel you. I'll work with you. It's OK.