Hello Fellow Travelers!
I wrote that sentence with a confident attitude - all set to just write a ton of stuff. And then I just blanked. I thought...what now Rebecca? Seriously, I thought, what do I have to offer today? A little bit of a grump came into my mind. As I write that, I'm going to tell myself and you - well I have my experience, my thoughts, my feelings and my delightful sense of humor. I'm always hoping I'm a little funny too.
I got the best compliment this morning from a friend who read my book Mental Girl. She got it! She really got and understood the tone of my book. She wrote me such a rave review. Do you know how good that feels? Oh I hope so. It feels so delicious and wonderful. For someone to read my words, get it, and feel the truth I was trying to impart...well...hot diggity!
I've been riding some waves in the last couple weeks. I spoke about it in a podcast.
For those of you, like me, who are sensitive, over thinking feelers - riding waves can be challenging. I've been moving forward, healing, and growing - but I still ride these emotional waves? I still have to do all this work? I guess I thought...there would be longer stretches between the tinglies and the nervous nillies (not sure if I'm spelling that right). Here's a conversation in my head. "I'm feeling. What am I feeling? I feel a little nervous. Why? I've been feeling so good. Why do I have to feel nervous? Oh...okay...I see...it doesn't mean I've done anything wrong, missed something or going backwards in my healing...it just means....(I dig deep inside for my truth and my wisdom)…it means I'm human. Deep breath Repeat - I'm human, having a human experience and at this point - if I can't solve or figure something out RIGHT AWAY...I (dig deep inside for my truth and my wisdom)…I pull out more self care and more self love. And...(dig deep inside for my truth and my wisdom)…I use all my tools and keep doing the work. Ok. Got it.
Easy? Not at all. Requires a lot of deep breaths, patience, reaching out if I need it, and reaching in - because -it's there.
The other day, I went out for a walk. It was a great walk. I put headphones on and a song came on. I just got so excited and started to dance walk. Have you ever done that? You just walk and get into the song and you dance in the street. It was glorious. I didn't feel self conscious. Let me tell you - this was a big deal for me. I just did it. I even made a little video that I posted on Instagram.
It's there before the videos of me howling in front of our dog and the video of the windy day. Yes, I howled. There was a super wolf moon! I couldn't help it!
The picture above is me being silly during the super wolf moon. Here I am in my "all natural" just being me and goofy mood. And the picture down below is the super wolf moon - who I howled for.
After that dance walk I felt so good. I came home and I just felt sassy. But guess what? I had some anxiety. It just whooshed on me. I don't know where it came from because I was feeling so giddy. I could feel it. I got scared. I thought am I too happy? And the what ifs started to rattle. I got tingly. And then I thought growth! I had growth! I had fun. It's OK! Let the feelings rush.
I began to think about all of those thoughts in the last couple days. I've been waking up with some of them. I wish I wasn't. I wish I was waking up wanting to have another dance walk. But I thought...hmmmm….it's possible my anxiety part felt a little neglected and bored and just felt like stirring things up. It could be I'm sensing other people's anxiety. I do that. I hear it and I feel it. It's possible my body and mind just wanted to replay something. But....all right...I don't have to hang with the anxiety for too long. I can also check in with my other parts and pull out all my other stuff - my healing stuff. I don't want to be afraid of anxiety. I get it. Anxiety, I believe, feels it keeps me safe. It has a job. I can see it. It has an outfit. It's wearing of those glow in the dark, caution outfits. Like a crossing guard. But it's a nervous crossing guard. It wants love, attention and to be heard. Ok. However, shoulders down - I take a deep breath. I don't have to live in that anxious world.
I know working through anxiety, depression and sadness is not easy. I hope I never come across as someone who would make anyone feel - "just get over it." I think it's about baby steps. It's movement - any movement. It's - growth includes a lot of deep breaths. It's about acceptance. Growth and healing, in my opinion(and experience), requires a lot of love. I feel there should be a lot of self love and self care. I say, in my experience and my opinion, just start at the beginning. You are not alone.
Thank you so much for you support.
Thank you for being here.
I appreciate you dear mental health warriors.