I get to a level of understanding myself, being self aware - actually feeling pretty good at times - and then the wind shifts a little - and I'm reminded - okay - that's right - I'm human - I'm going to have thoughts, feelings, experiences, and I'll need to buckle up at times. Jeezus!
I didn't sleep well last night. Crap. I was tossing and turning, my stomach was upset, I was thinking a lot - and I just couldn't fall asleep. Of course, I finally fall asleep way after 3am, falling into REM, and a dream state - which - then I dreamt about alligators. A snapping, scary, black alligator. I can't remember all the details - but I made it through it. I survived. This alligator had teeth. That's a good sign, right? I'll bet the alligator represents my grouchies. "Get away from me. If you get too close, I'll bite." I sure am aware of these grouchies - and I'm trying to work through them without too much collateral damage.
I did a podcast this morning. Here it is:
The sky was beautiful again. I took a quick picture. Let's see how it looks all blown up here. Okay - it's beautiful. I did a great job. You tell me. (see picture below).
Okay - I think there is symbolism here. Even when things feel or look a little dark - you spiral down a little - the light - the beautiful sun - can always find its way in. Okay - a little mushy. But it's true. I'm agitated. Things have been bugging me. I've been irritable. I've been feeling and thinking a lot. But guess what? I'm aware. I'm not clinging to any particular thought. Actually - there is one thing I cling to - my true self. My true self can communicate, be clear, concise, calm and compassionate. I can created boundaries. I can stay out of other people's spiritual and emotional work. I have no business being in there. I can still observe. I can still process. I can hold on to my own personal power. We all can.
Okay - so take a deep breath. Oh that's for me. But yeah, take a deep breath too if you like. Look, I'm just trying to tell you things I'm learning, share things that are working for me, share things I like or feel good about - and also try to share - that I'm human - and I'm not perfect. But I don't want to preach. Blech.
So let's take another deep breath - why not - and check out my picture. Feel that sun. Feel that light. It's beautiful.