So what does this mean to me? What's the scoop here? I used to party. I used to make plans to go to a party, have a party, go to an event - but now? Oh I feel thrilled to be home with the family all cuddled in for the night.
I was giving this whole thing some thought. I spoke about it in today's podcast:
Look, I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. Crap on your cracker. Shit on your show. You know? I'm just saying for those of us who don't want to go out - would rather stay home - but start to feel blue because we aren't going anywhere - wait! Why feel blue? We don't want to go out. It's not our thing anymore - or maybe never was - right? Why can't we change this? We can do something different. It can still be cool.
I think of today - the last day of the year - okay - but at the same time - today is just Monday. It's December 31, 2018 - and it will flow into January 1, 2019. Does it have to be a big deal? Again - if you want a big deal - if you want to make your resolutions and plan your whole year - if that brings you joy and works for you - please enjoy and tell us about it. I don't mind. I enjoy hearing about people's routines and rituals. But for me? Well - I think now - at this point in my life- I'm OK with doing a little bit of celebrating - I'll notice and embrace the changing of the year on the calendar - but after that - I want to take the pressure off - that it is some BIG deal.
I want to continue healing, growing, learning and moving forward.
This morning I was out walking. It was a beautiful crisp morning. I didn't layer enough - but once I got moving - I was all right. Wow - I'm glad I've been bringing gloves. But while I was walking I heard a sound that just delights me. They were here! They were making a lot of noise. They were out. Who are they? The parrots. Yes, there are these travelling parrots and they fly in a flock and they are brilliant. I stood there and I just felt their glee. Okay - they got a little freaked out when a crow disturbed their morning conference in the tree. But the restorative, creative, resilent and problem solving birds that they are just found another tree. I filmed it and put it on Instagram.
We can learn a lot from animals. Okay - we will remain over thinkers, feelers and have experiences and relationships that animals won't have. But we can learn from them. They stay in the moment. They are who they are. They are problem solvers. And we can be too! We can band together and figure a lot of this stuff out. There are many of us on the search for meaning, connection, beauty and healing. Find your tribe - just like the animals. The cool part of being human is we can venture and learn from different races, cultures and people who differ from us. We have so much to learn from each other.
Again - I say - be kind to yourself. Love yourself dearly. Give yourself a lot of self care. You fill up your tank and then when you venture out in the world - the world takes on a different glow. You can still be YOU. And they can be them. You can delight in the similarities and take an interest and have respect for the differences.
Happy New Year's Eve!
I got up early this morning - but for some reason - and I will investigate this - if it's too early - I go back to bed. I feel if it is before 7am, nope - it's back under the warm covers. But I was awake. Then when I fall back asleep - I go into a deeper sleep - sending me into weird dreams - and I wake up feeling a little disoriented. Why do I do this? I don't know. I know I'm not lazy. This is an old habit.
Well, I have decided I will use self care and self love to figure this out. I don't want to overthink it and overstress about it. But I am curious as to why I don't just get up and use the time to myself. The house is quiet. I can do stuff. I know once I'm up and moving around I feel better. As I nod and write this - I feel - interested in myself. I like that. Lovingly, kindly, and respectfully interested in myself.
That's the way to be! You are YOU! YOU are important. So why not take the time to get to know YOU? The real YOU. The YOU who wants to check things out, improve, heal, love and delight in life. Yes - we all have that person inside of us. Habits form - things happen - and we fall hard on our mental butts. But that's OK. There is a large mental health community out there willing and ready to help out. There are tons of people in the world doing and feeling the same way we are - we just have to open our eyes and ears. We aren't alone!
All right - so I did a podcast:
I also did a little short video and posted it on Instagram:
I appreciate you listening to my podcast, reading my blog, and books.
I thank you for your support.
Feel free to write! I love getting emails.
Wow, the thoughts keep coming. I'm just thinking away. I'm happy to say some of them are good thoughts. But there are some that are coming out of the blue - weird - some are a little angry. All right. I've learned I'm made up of a lot of parts. So I'll acknowledge all these parts - but the intense ones I'll speak kindly but firmly to - they are not to run the show.
The weather has been lovely. A bit cold at times - but still - I can take a deep breath - the skies are gorgeous - and with enough layers - I'm all right.
It's coming to the close of 2018 and 2019 is just around the corner! Wow! I'm not much for resolution writing. I'm not much anymore for making a HUGE deal out of New Years Eve. I mean - we do our own thing here. But for me - time - well it's just flowing. The way the build up is - it makes you feel like an ending. But it's not. It's flowing. It's moving along. And I'm still healing!
I did a podcast this morning:
I'm trying to decide if I will start another section on the website, continue on with the podcast - or just try something different. Change it up a little bit. What do you think? Wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts.
I hope you all are feeling the healing. You deserve to heal. I hope I've helped in some way.
I'm in that mood to ask what's up? What's happening? How are you feeling? How...my dear reader...do you like my website?
I've had this website for a while now. My goal was to connect with others and hopefully bring you guys....what...what did I want to bring? I guess, I hope you feel good after you come on here. I hope you feel a sense of encouragement to begin to work on yourself....or is it work with yourself. Because frankly, I still feel we are all imperfectly perfect. To work on yourself...hmmm....that makes it sound so "worky". But to work with yourself - I feel a little breathing room there. It doesn't feel so intense.
It's the day after Christmas. A week before the new year. I'm feel I'm in middle ground right now. I'm thinking about the things I would like to do, try and work on. I'm thinking about the past year. Wow - I've come a long way. I look at the year ahead and think of....ooosh...that makes me a little dizzy. Not in a bad way -just in a - slow down Rebecca. Stay here. Here is real. Right here as you type on the keyboard and you feel your body and your mind with it's movement and electricity - stay here.
No need to get tooooooo far ahead. Goals are great. Feeling hopeful and wanting to try new things feels. But zooming to try and think about the future - when it's not here yet - yep - it's a bit dizzying.
All right - so I did a podcast.
And I did a little walking and talking with my shadow and posted on Instagram.
It was windy last night, but it settled down this morning. It's sunny outside and the weather seems just right for this Goldilocks. Not too hot and not too cold.
I hope you all are feeling content and working on your self care.
Please, feel free to write to me and let me know how I'm doing. I'm always thinking about new things to do on my website. But if something is working for you, you like something on here,or I'm reaching my goal of connecting with you - let me know.
Thanks for your support.
Thanks for listening to my podcasts.
Thanks for being here.
Tis the season for me and I'm feeling good. I'm glad I'm feeling good. This time last year, I wasn't. I've had some rough Christmass' - fights, sadness, anger, etc. (even one year a family member landing in jail! And I'm only telling you this - so you don't think I'm bragging away - I'm celebrating.)
So I'm really embracing the good cheer and good feelings this year.
But I understand everyone isn't in the Christmas mood. I figure whatever you would like to celebrate - go ahead. And most important - celebrate you. That you're here. You're special and unique and there are people who care about you. Celebrate that you're trying. Celebrate that you wanted to listen to me - and that I'm talking about self care and self love - and if you are listening - that means - yep - that you're starting to like and love yourself a little bit more - and that is cause for celebration.
I did a podcast this morning.
I've been in the singing mood so I've been posting on Instagram.
I noticed that I posted some clickity clak stuff here in the this section yesterday. Ooopsies. But you know what? I'm going to leave it. So what? It's just like me. It's like when I wear my clothes inside out. Oh well.
I appreciate you.
I thank you for your support.
I wish you a Happy Winter, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and a toast to YOU!
I'm really enjoying the Xmas cheer.
Photo Way Above:
I caught this sweet poinsettia in the window. Yep...that's my shadow.
I'm out early in the morning - so sometimes the lights aren't off yet. Saw these peeking over a bush.
Okay, this poinsettia was a little scrawny - but I saw it. I saw the red through the white roses.
Isn't it time you believed in yourself? I'm doing it. It feels great. Look -it's not easy all the time. I take twists and turns. I make mistakes. I stumble. But I grab my tools to help with the mental nausea, I honor my mistakes and allow them to turn into growth and healing, and I pick my ass up again and again and again.
I was out walking this morning and I felt tired. The cold was hitting my face. Hey - I'm learning to layer now and I brought gloves. Wow - that really changes things. I don't come home so cold and shivering. I was looking around noticing the early risers. I saw a woman sit down at her breakfast table. I wasn't peeking in - she had her curtains open and her table was in plain view. It really did look cozy in her house. At one point, passing by some houses, I smelled fresh brewed coffee. Oh did that smell good. I felt me. I was checking in with my body and mind. I was feeling tingles. I was realizing how sensitive I am, what a thinker I am - but you know what? I also felt a belief in myself. I'm out here - alone - walking - I did that! I believed in myself and the magic happened.
Okay - so before you think I'm going to break out in song or the quotes. Okay - some quotes I really do like - they make me feel good. See that one up there - with the picture - I love that one. But look - this takes a lot of work. Some of it is light and breezy work - but some of the work takes requires a lot of energy. I pick myself up a lot. And sometimes....I yell, I growl and I yelp. Yep. I'm shaking off years of different habits. They like to cling.
I did a podcast this morning.
If you get a chance, please let me know how I'm doing. I really hope some of this helps. I hope I make you laugh sometimes. Hope I make you think sometimes. I hope I make you smile a lot.
Thank you being here.
Thank you for your support.
A toast - to believing in you and me.
I'm like Goldilocks sometimes. It's too hot...it's too cold...wait....yeah...right there - that's just right. No! Don't go changing it!
They say, the first step towards healing, is admitting it. I admit it. I fall into complaining, whining and kavetching. Sure. But now? Well - I'll catch myself. Hey, Rebecca - what's up? You've been griping for the last half hour in that head of yours. Can you find something good? Anything? Can you put on some clothes? Where are your gloves? Can you take off some clothes? Those socks are too warm for the heated house. Sometimes I'll laugh when I catch myself. Sometimes I'll become embarrassed and shame filled. Oh and sometimes - when someone points it out - eeeeek! Well - before I start allowing my mind to take off - I'll say - oooopsiedasical! Want to learn? Want to heal? I deserve to learn. I deserve to heal. And the tide will change once again.
I did a podcast this morning.
It was funny - well not ha ha funny - but one of those "moments". I was just staring to do today's podcast. I was walking along. I felt like I was getting in the groove. I was getting silly with you guys. I looked down and the phone wasn't recording. I don't know how much it recorded before I figured it out. I didn't want to start over. I didn't want to repeat myself. So I just kept going. I figured - why not? Let it be what it is. I still haven't listened to it. I hope it's ok.
My blogs, podcast, and even my book Mental Girl - is a way for me to communicate to the outside world. It's a way to try and help if I can. Try and relate if I can. It's a way to show people - you aren't alone. We are all here on this spinning ball trying to figure things out, get some answers and I hope - to find some joy and laughs.
Thank you for being here.
I appreciate you.
I thank you for your support.
I tell myself, keep going girl. You've got this. I've gotten to the point, where I know self love, self care and self motivation is the ticket. Sure - hearing love and support from others feels good - but when it's coming from inside my mind - oh - well now the fun party can get started.
Sure the party can still get filled with some shenanigans or a little ruckus - but then I really know - I need to do a swoop fast. I don't let the anxiety, anger, and irritation run the show. Those parts can have their moment, to let me know they are upset about something - but after that - I'll call Mental Girl and we will get in solution mode.
You know the party is inside my mind right? You know Mental Girl is me? You know the parts are all me. I mean, I know. But I want you to know, that I know it too.
My mind is always chattering. Well, maybe not always. There have been times - although brief - when I have noticed that it gets quiet in here. Oh - that's the blissful feeling I talk about in my book Mental Girl. Oh it's lovely.
Remember I like to speak in metaphors. I use silly faces. Well, you can't see those on a blog. But picture me with my eyebrows going up and down, expressive eyes, hand gestures and I'm looking at you. Yeah - it can get a bit intense - sure. And I do try to reign it in for those who can't take all that energy.
I did a podcast this morning. Hope it helps. I hope they all help. Okay - here it is:
Last night I sang a little and posted in on Instagram. Some of my silliness.
As the title of this section says, I gotta be me.
Oh and note to self. Let the silly shit go and just be silly.
It's hard not to get into other people's heads. Wait. I mean..."try" to get into other people's head. Wait. I mean...hold on. Let me see if I can explain.
I've struggled and got tangled into what I would like to call the "what if" syndrome. It's connected to pushing that worry button over and over, needlessly, until you are worrying about something that either hasn't happened, won't happen, or may have happened but it's not that bad. You know?
I've struggled trying to understand people, relate to them, connect with them, and put myself - my TRUE self- forward. I'm doing it now - every day - a little less struggle. And let me tell you it is trial and error.
As I've said in my book Mental Girl, my blogs and in my podcasts, I believe it starts within. Self love is the way to begin. It is so important to like and love yourself. Once I began to do that - my anxiety lessened, I have been able to communicate better and at the end of the day I feel I've done my best. At the end of the day - even the stuff I've done that I might not be thrilled with - I love myself now - so I take it as an opportunity for growth, learning, healing - a chance to improve.
I did my podcast this morning.
I rambled a bit. I was staggering around with my thoughts this morning. I'm still not ready to tell ALL - every thought, every worry, every feeling I'm having. I'm trying to convey to you guys - it's all OK. We are all a work in progress. We are all diamonds. We don't have to be polished, perfect diamonds. Let's just sparkle.
Note to self:
I will make you proud.
I love you just as you are.
You are worthy.