Dangit! I don't like feeling rushed.
I woke up later this morning than I wanted to - but the bed felt good - I was thinking - ok - I still have time so I should enjoy the extra lie down. But then nope. Plans changed, times changed, and before I even blinked and said good morning to the day - my mood changed. So now I feel rushed. I don't like that feeling.
I spoke about my feelings in today's podcast:
I've been grumpy lately. I just feel like I can turn crabby on a dime. I don't like that feeling either. Grrrr. I'm getting into these little spats with the family. I feel like people keep changing times, being late, annoying me, not speaking the truth, or just saying something that gets under my skin - and I'm growling like a dog.
Time for deep breath.
Okay - I just looked back at my first list yesterday. I got everything done except - yucky feeling brewing inside me - I used the naggy grouchy voice with my son yesterday. I don't know what happened. I felt good - I was calm - and then I got some push back about a class - right when I was scrubbing the bathroom ( I cleaned it - it was on the list) and then I was just.....baboom! Yuck. We immediately did the repair work after our argument (that's important to me) and talked it out. But blech! Well...another day to try again.
Well...here it is - early in the morning - and I'm grouchy again. It's OK. Time to take another deep breath.
Okay - the other stuff on the other two lists haven't been done yet. But the first list - (whisper: aside from the grouchies) - well I will feel good about accomplishing the stuff on my list. Yeah!
I will be posting some pictures in the Clickity Clak section. I don't have a selfie to add here. I wouldn't dare take a picture of myself in this mood. But I found this funny meme yesterday - and it just seemed perfect. So I'm sticking it on here.
Happy Friday you guys! I'm glad you are here and I appreciate all the support and kind words you give me about my website and my blogs. Have a great weekend!
Ooooh, the time! Let's go!
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
- Oscar Wilde.
I've always felt my feelings a little bit more intensely than others. Or at least that's what I thought. I was thrilled to find people on Twitter, who had thoughts like me, and they laugh about them. I had an inkling that most people felt things - but they didn't admit it - or they brushed off it while I squirmed and sat in discomfort. Wait, I'm not suggesting people are watching in discomfort. I just meant - I've always been uncomfortable and they everyone else had it handled. I'm finding out - and now I don't really want to hear all of it - my family and friends have A LOT of thoughts too. They kept a lot bottled inside - and now they want it out. Woosh! There's a lot of feelings out there.
Well now I don't sit in discomfort...well as much. Last night I was way over the top with my feelings, horribly uncomfortable and spiraling down a little. I talk about it in today's podcast.
Woosh! (I say woosh a lot) Lots of feelings. But I buckled in and rode the waves and this morning - I have a new take on it all. I had some fuckin' feelings. Ooops. It happens. I can start any time with a deep breath, a start over, and a request for new healing thoughts to help me through. I did.
I had a nice walk this morning. I'm still having some lower back pain - I don't like that. I think it makes me a bit grouchier. Pain does that. So I'm going to keep taking more deep breaths, do my stretches, drink lots of water, and send healing messages to my back. Relax. Relax.
So I spoke, in today's podcast, about my resistance to making lists. I make them and then don't look at them. Or I get lazy - I don't want to make them. Or I think I don't really like the writing part. I'm fine with typing. But then one might suggest - type out the list perhaps? But it's the list! Grrrr. So today - with you guys - I'm going to try this list thing people rave about. Deep breath.
1. Do lots of back exercises today. Send messages to back - I love you. Heal.
2. Drink lots of water.
3. Guide my son with his "brain learning" stuff. (I want to relax - and don't use the nagging voice to encourage him to get his work done. Use the encouraging, calm and relaxed voice.
4. Clean the bathroom.
5. Put up some more Halloween Decorations.
6. Oooh right that bill out and get that in the mail. (you know the one)
7. Clean out cat box after coffee and blog.
8. (Okay...that's enough for now. I paused which means the flow stopped. )
Hey I got a good start. That's a pretty good list. Ooooh...wait...I do have a list I wanted to write. This is a to do list - hopefully stuff to do within the next week maybe?
1. Get that book published. It's good. Clean it up. And get it out.
2. Try working on some new ideas. You have the stirring in you. You've got good stuff. Write! (hey that's nice and encouraging self talk)
3. Work on your audio version for Unveiling With Ursula.
Hey....this list thing isn't horrible. I really actually got a little stimulated by making these list. I think it's you guys being here with me. (I know you aren't here HERE, but I'm writing - thinking about my blog readers) Lets see what happens.
Oooh...shazam...I've got another list in my head - popping out.
1. Find a deodorant that works. (Okay - I will be writing about this. I'm premenopausal. Yeah, fun stuff. But I've discovered I now have an odor! I didn't have that before. I don't like "chemically" (I know not a word) products - but none of these "natural ones" are working. )
2. Keep searching for good hair products. (My hair has been really bugging me. I just can't figure out a good hairstyle. It's either pulled back or under a baseball cap. I don't want that to be my look all the time. I can do this. I'll find the right products for my hair.)
3. Email some companies again and see if they will send you stuff in exchange for a review. It worked so well with Botanic Organic. I'm still thrilled that I found some really good projects from them. I want to get figuring out the right makeup, hair products and my "look" with clothes. (Okay - this one is a big project. Deep breath. This will take time.)
Wow! Look at me! I did it. I made 3 lists! But I laugh. This is how I make lists on paper too. Post its all over the place. There are different ones - scattered around. Well, that's me. This is the way I do it. I love that Oscar Wilde quote - that I put at the top. It's great. Be YOU! Like this section says here...I Gotta Be Me.
Whoooeee! I'm hustling and bustling this morning. This is a busier day. Lots to do. My son has swim, meet ups with friends - we have our regular scheduling program to fit in - and....okay, I just mentally made my list of to do's. So I'm going to get as much as I can done. Patience. Just took a deep breath. Okay. I want to remember this - it's important. Have patience. Take time to breathe.
I did my podcast this morning.
I feel like my mind and body are revved up and taking on the chores one at a time - trying to fit in all in...deep breath...at the same time allowing myself - if I can't get it all done - if it's too much - I can roll some of this over to tomorrow. But I want to get it done! I want tomorrow to be a bit quieter. Deep breath. Again - patience. I'll do the best I can.
When I got back from the supermarket - I was so proud of myself. My eye spotted red - I just saw the color red out of the corner of my eye. I felt I was just rushing rushing - and my brain said - holdup! Did you see that? There were some red leaves in the bushes. It really is lovely. My brain said - okay - you need to make some time for that - and take a picture. It's Fall! You picked up pumpkins for your friends and pumpkin flavored stuff - come on! You need to appreciate that. So I did. I made the picture super duper big so you can see it to. POW! Right? It's so beautiful.
Okay - I gotta go. Sorry to rush. But...I'm trying to get some more stuff done.
Have a great day! Look out for the color! Look out for the fall beauty. Oh and Trader Joes has pumpkin biscotti...you may want to get on that.
My back is still a little off. Let's put it that way. I don't want it to hear me. I keep telling it...you're healing. I love you. It's ok. I know I fell and you got thrown off - so just take a little time to heal.
I'm doing lower back stretches - going a little easy on it - and doing A LOT of kind self talk. I believe not only does my subconscious hear - but my body hears as well. So I'm being supportive, kind, considerate and encouraging.
Doing all this stuff takes energy. When I'm feeling a little...blech, out of sorts, sore, sad...you know human stuff - I get that feeling of wanting to just plop and say "time out." I think taking the time to heal and repair is very important - but I've come to experience and have proof - I need to still do the healing work. If I go plopping - all sad and mopey for too long - the healing takes longer. If I acknowledge my feelings, listen to my body and do those things that feel good- the healing speeds up.
I spoke a little about it in my podcast today.
I had a nice walk this morning. The weather is overcast - my favorite. It's a bit crisp and cool but guess what? I wore a long sleeve shirt! Yep. I was on it this morning. I didn't go too far. When my back said - okay - can we go home now - I said all right. I was observant while out - noticing things. Check on Clickity Clak. I took some cool pictures of a building I like.
Most people around L.A. get really down when overcast weather shows up. I don't know why. I love it. It's a change. It's nice. I'm especially surprised when they get down in the dumps and they come from places that are freezing cold and challenging. We have a really nice mix of weather here - but L.A. can't possibly commit to sunny every day. We need the mix. We need the downtime. That good, delicious downtime, where you acknowledge your own "humanness". (okay not a "real" word - but you get it, right?) You look around and you say - there are lots of people - going through this "human experience". I'm not alone. You are not alone.
I love this picture. I actually was taking a quick picture of that building I liked - I was doing it quickly because a girl came out of the building and I didn't want her to think I'm some kind of paparazzi lady. When I got home and looked at it - I cropped this section out. I didn't notice I was walking under the trees. I was looking at the cool building - the plants growing up the walls - okay - I looked at the windows - but I wasn't peeking! It came out really cool - it's like I'm going under and through - and the sky is so gray. It's just...lovely. To me.
I got my coffee this morning and ran into a neighbor I know, while getting my coffee, who is also a celebrity. He's super nice. His name is Fred Stoller. He's a funny guy. I've bought his books. He's not only a funny comedian and actor - he writes. Check him out. He doesn't know I'm giving him a plug - but I just feel like it. I think he would appreciate it. Actually I know he would. He was so funny. He told me about the book, and said, "If you don't like it, I'll give you your money back." That's Fred. Okay - here's the link. Here's for you Fred.
All right - onward and upward. I will post some cool pictures I took of that building I was chatting about to you a few minutes ago. Well, I'm assuming - you've been taking sips of your coffee while reading my blog or you put your phone down for a second to look something up. Whatever...I'm rambling.
Have a great day. Thanks for your support. Thanks for reading!
Well, I'm up and I got out walking this morning. That's a good sign. Right? Oh you may not know this...I fell off the porch over the weekend. Yep. That's right. Just lost my balance and flew off the porch. It's not a super high porch, thank goodness, but it was an ouchie landing on the floor. A few scrapes, bruises and a sore back. (and a bruised ego) But other than that - I was able to get back up.
Okay, enough of this! I've gotten my sympathy - now I heal.
Here's today's podcast:
Fall is here! Ooh, I can smell it in the air. I can feel it. Time to bring out some of my long sleeve shirts. I've been pulling out Halloween decorations. Oh yeah! I'm getting into it. Okay, so I need to slow down a little. That's all right. When I slow down I see things I wouldn't normally see. I observe stuff when I slow down. I'm going to take a deep breath right now. It was so neat, this morning, I watched a hummingbird - taking a bath in a bath feeder - in a beautiful garden in the neighborhood. I tried to take a picture, but, he was so small. I couldn't get too close. I didn't want to disturb him. He was having a splendid time.
What do you like about Fall? Do you like the crunchy leaves? Do you like Halloween and pumpkin decorations? Do you like the cool crisp air? Tell me, if you like. Leave a comment.
I've included a couple of pictures. Yesterday, my husband bought me this adorable bird feeder. (picture above) I saw it - and the sleeping moose just made me so happy. He is taking time to chill out. It's funny - because I didn't put birdseed in it - I put some nuts in it. Wait - this is not for the birds, I thought. Who am I kidding? This will be for the squirrels. They will love it! We've got it placed on the front porch - in front of the living room window - so we can all watch the action when the squirrels realize we have treats for them. Oh our pets will have tons of entertainment.
The other picture (below) is a corner of the porch with Halloween decorations. Lots of our plants now have hands, bones and skeletons. (insert scary background music - not too scary - don't want to wake and scare our sweet moose) I love this old wooden step ladder that a friend gave to me. We've got some cool succulents which as you can see - now are spooooooky. I've been posting fun pictures of our decorations on Instagram.
A toast to Fall! It's here! So enjoy. Enjoy what you like. Enjoy the things you like about fall. Crunch! Crunch!
I don't really know how to analyze dreams. I wish I did. I get some weird ones. I had dreams about alligators and exes last night. So vivid. They were really snappy. Weird.
All right Thursday, what do you have going on for me? Yes, I'm up. I've done my stretches, loving self talk, went for a walk, did a podcast, here it is....
I ran a quick market errand and got a coffee. Okay, I didn't run to the market. I drove. What a funny way to say that...I ran to the market. I mean some people run to the market - but I usually drive. Oh for heavens sake, why I am talking about this?
I'm just trying to distract myself, lighten my mood, and get silly...because I've been feeling nervous. Just life - and it's life stuff - it's life questions and concerns - mustering up the strength to keep muddling through it all - well...I'm just a little nervous. I like when life just goes smoothly, quietly - rolls along. And then...stuff happens and you have to be alert, awake, calm, clear and ready to take action. Sometimes, I want to nap and have it all taken care of by the time I wake up.
Deep breath. I'm responsible. I have the strength to do this life stuff. Come on Becky! Becky...that's me. One of my A.K.A.'s.
So Becky...Rebecca...Reba....Mental Girl...what's the goal? Stay on path. Stay on your path. You've got this. You can go different ways, you can walk around and try things out...but you know the path. Stay on it. Be true to you. Do the best you can. Take deep breaths. It'll be all right.
I like this picture I've included in this blog. When I see paths, it relaxes me. Someone is lighting the way. It feels like they're saying, walk this way...try this route...you can always take it back and try a different one. Paths are nice. They're inviting. This particular one goes around a tree. I think it's lovely with the plants surrounding the stepping stones.
So breathe in. Breathe out.
Inhale the good shit. Exhale the bullshit.
It's gonna be all right.
I woke up this morning and I'm feeling....I'm feeling....I'm feeling all right. I got up, did my morning stretches, centered myself (with loving self talk), and revved my body - woke it up. I got up and had my walk. As I set out down the block, I was a bit startled when I saw a house in the neighborhood had been torn down. Another house. Poof. Gone. A big huge space - that will be filled with a big huge house. Deep breath Rebecca. There are changes.
I did my podcast about it. It's weird - because the topic I was going to discuss matched the feelings I had when I saw the house had been taken down.
I continued my walk, embraced all the feelings coming up, looked around, and began to remember - hey - ok - things change - things are changing. That's ok. Fall is right around the corner. The seasons are changing. I started to look around and took pictures of things that caught my eye. Colors that gave my eyes some entertainment. I will post some pictures on Twitter and Instagram.
I know I've been going off roadin' into different topics. I was working on my beauty care routine and cleaning out my clothes - and then I took a little break on the clothes. I'm still working on my beauty care routine. I ordered some goodies from Botanic Organic. I really love their products. As the samples are used up - I'm excited to have my new stuff ready for me to use. They make a great line of beauty care products. I highly recommend you check them out.
As for the clothes - I'll get to them. I think this garage project, taking longer than I expected, wiped me out a little. I'm done with the inside of the garage - but I still have boxes of photographs to go through. And...a huge box of old writings that I want to go through. I found a YA story - I think I had written it when I was pregnant or when my son was very young. I'm so excited to see it again. I forgot about it. I read it to him yesterday - and I realized - it's pretty good. He said he thinks it's very good and could be very popular. That's the best review I could get. I'm thinking to work on it a little - spiff it up - and have it published on Amazon. So stay tuned...
So, as I walked through the neighborhood - my neighborhood that is changing - I noticed houses that haven't changed. I noticed one house - that although it changed and got a bit fancier - one thing - that always pleased me - has stayed. I used to go by this house and admire all the birdhouses in the trees. I just loved it. Tons of birdhouses scattered in the trees. They still have the birdhouses in the trees. They are older, weathered, and well loved - and still there. I took a couple of pictures. It made me so happy to see the new embrace the old. There are two trees filled with these sweet birdhouses. The picture up above shows the combination of the old birdhouses surrounded with the beautiful lush green leaves. The picture below - I just loved the way it looked today - it shows Fall is coming. The birdhouses - mixed in with the drying leaves - and the sun coming through the branches - to me - shows strength, courage, stability, and...calm.
I was a bit cold this morning on my walk. I eventually warmed up. But it's turning over to fall - and I keep forgetting to bring a light jacket. I can feel the seasons changing. Fall is coming. It's ready. The shadows on the ground are different. The way the sun hits my house and the neighborhood is different. I can feel myself itching to bring out our Halloween decorations. There are pumpkins at the stores now. And squash! All different kinds of squash! Fall!!!! Okay - yes, I hear you summer, you have a few more days. It's ok. I'll be patient.
Patient. Deep breath. Patience. Calm. Yes, keep calm. I'm really trying to practice keeping calm. I've been finding myself a little edgy about stuff. I did a podcast this morning. I spoke about some feelings I'm having with my husband. Here it is:
It felt good to let it out. I didn't give too many details. Again, I'm not into sharing the details - the specifics - but I'll share the feelings and some thoughts. I'll tell you why. First of all, it's my private stuff. I'm allowed to withhold if I want to. Second, I just feel sharing the details doesn't matter. I don't like hearing too many details from other people. I think the meat and potatoes is in the feelings and the thoughts we tell ourselves. And lastly, I feel if I share too much - that opens me up to hearing tons of advice - and frankly - I don't want too much advice right now. I feel strong about my feelings. I'm honoring them. I'm also being patient while I sort through them.
And then that leaves me collected. I went out for my walk, did my podcast, went to the market, came home put it all away, and then set out again to pick up my coffee. Awwww....sweet coffee. And a bran muffin. Yum. I did all this before my son got up. I got up early. It feels really good to get all that done. A year ago I wouldn't have done all that on my own. So that - all that - is a big deal. I actually told myself - out loud - that I was proud of me. Try that today. I'm sure there are many things that you all do - that you may think are not a big deal - but they are! Tell yourself you are proud of all that you do.
Okay, I'm going to do it. Oh should I? Oh why not? All right...here's today's selfie. Well, it was from yesterday. My son and I went for our annual eye appointment. All is well. I had to get checked for cataracts. Ain't that fun? Good thing - I don't have it. My eyes are fantastic. I didn't need to up my prescription. My eyes looked good. My son's eyes are healthy and happy too. But the doc put those drops in my eyes - and then the whole world becomes super bright and a little blurry for a while. Last year, when we left and got outside - the ride home was challenging because it was so frickin' bright. So this year - I asked them for the glasses - you know the ones - those big ones that you put over your glasses to shield your eyes from the bright light. Oh - if you don't know about them - they're really snazzy. I took a picture - with my serious face - I could be in the movie Matrix. Well Matrix for the geriatrics. Heh heh. (I can joke now) Check it out. I KNOW it's not flattering. But it's funny and I need to lighten up and be silly about stuff like this.
So the goal - stay calm, stay cool, and collect myself as needed. Rinse and repeat.
Wow. I actually wrote that. I wrote I am beautiful. Hey, grab a pen. Write it down. Read it to yourself. How does that feel? I hope it feels fantastic. For me? It wasn't easy to write at all. But I'm sitting up tall and I'm did it anyway. It's getting easier to say. I needed to write that down - yep - as the title. I just spoke about this just this morning on my podcast. I had to do it.
Here's today's podcast:
Can you relate to how hard it is to write those words? I mean, I can say them in the moment - I can even write them here - but the flood of feelings and thoughts that rise to the surface - Egads! (like my dad used to say).
If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter - you may have noticed all these old photos I've been posting. I look at myself as a young girl, knowing all that I went through, knowing how hard on was on myself, and I look at her, dressed up, smiling - and I think - oh sweetie - you were beautiful. But I never really thought so. Sure there were moments I would think, okay, I feel good, only to get with a crowd (even with family and friends) and begin to self doubt, compare, feel insecure, embarrassed - and just allow my self esteem to scooch down further and further like a kid trying to hide so the teacher won't call on her. You know?
But now? I've been listening to Mental Girl. She flies by my side. She says "Hello girl! Let's admire you. Let's embrace and honor you. Let's look at you - and compliment you." So I do.
I took a walk this morning and I felt good. I felt that dream really sparked something. (Oh I speak about it in my podcast - now you need to listen. heh heh) It's a lovely day. It was a bit brisk this morning. I could have used a jacket. But the sun was out. I warmed up as I picked up speed. Fall is just around the corner. I can feel it. I'm getting excited. Fall is MY month. I was born in fall. So fall and I have a wonderful delicious relationship.
I ended up taking this selfie. Now it really is a big deal that I wrote I am beautiful up there at the top. Because of course, I started pick this picture apart. But then - I stopped. I said - nope. I'm not going to do that. That's me!
I'm excited to say I did end up ordering products from Botanic Organic. I really love their products. I highly recommend you check them out. I'm sure any of the staff will help you with any questions - but if you like - tell Nancy - the founder - that I sent you. She is a sweetheart. You can also check them out on Instagram. She recently posted some wonderful videos about how their products are made. Here is the link to their site.
I'm still sorting through a lot of pictures and memories. But I did organize my side of the garage. I'm really proud of myself. It took longer than expected. But I got through it.
So what's the next project? I recently read this article that my grandmother had saved - I found it in one the boxes in the garage. It was about getting things done. The suggestion was to write your list out - with about 5 - 10 things you want to get done. Then slowly check them off throughout the day. If you even just get one thing done - that's an accomplishment. I think it's the act of writing it down - and feeling yourself check off the list - that gives you extra validation. I should try that. How about this on the list. Say I'm beautiful. (I can cross that off right now!)
All right! Onward! Forward!