I am currently working on Mental Girl book 2. If you haven't read book 1, you can still purchase it for a low price on Amazon. Go to the section called my books and you can click on the link.
That is all....for now.
Oh that word. Setback. Sounds so serious and sad.
Lately, I've been feeling more anxious and had a couple of old school panic attacks. I call them old school - because they are the original gangstas in my mind. They swoop in - out of nowhere - scare the shit of me - not based in reality - and just shake and shake and shake.
I spoke about it in today's podcast.
All right! I hear you. But you can't not come in here and start your ruckus! Sure, that's the way I speak with my gangstas. Look, they're just trying to protect me. I get it. They felt fear, anger and frustration and just started pulling out their mental pistols - freaking out - and getting all up in my head. Okay - I'm getting all gangsta now. I just know I need to follow their smoke back to what's really bothering me - take some deep breaths - healing soothing breaths - and begin the self love and self care talk. I realize something triggered these thoughts. I became frustrated and reverted a little bit - to the way I "used" to think. But guess what? I don't think like that anymore. Wait...oh I might think like that on occasion- BUT - I have other tools and thoughts now too - which work a lot better for me.
I can handle this.
I am healing.
It's ok that I have these thoughts.
I have others.
I can flip the thoughts and see the other side to them.
I will flip the thoughts and see the other side to them.
I am safe.
I am worthy.
I am here.
I have a place here.
And then I begin...what can I do to help myself?
I have therapy today.
I have an acupuncture appointment this week.
I can exericise, meditate, get creative, be helpful, garden. or nap if need be.
I have been sharing myself on Instagram.
Blech, don't like the way I look. Hey! That's not nice. Well...I didn't get all dolled up. I just rolled the film and let loose. To be honest, I think it's more helpful to show this side of me. I don't need to be perfect when I'm hurting and sharing. I don't need to look fancy or have anyone think I have it all together. So I included a couple pictures of myself in the last few days. (pics below) No filter. No makeup. And....(pic above) a quote that really resonated with me.
I have been working on Mental Girl book 2. I received the first revised edited version from my editor. I'm going over it. It goes back one more time and then....it will be on sale on Amazon! I'm excited about that.
You know, I thought about that...get a little busy Rebecca. Not the busy where I shove all my crap under a mental rug and hope it goes away. No. I'm going to work through my stuff. But I can get busy. Remind myself of all the magical and exciting adventures I can have.
Take care of you.
I appreciate you.
I'm glad you are here.
Thank you for your support.
Eeeeek! I'm moody! Wow. I mean I can feel it through out my body. It makes me feel grouchy, irritable, annoyed....what else...I realize I'm basically repeating myself and just finding new words to describe how I feel....which is a very pissy person. Blech!
Let's assess. My bullshit detector goes off all day long. But do I call people on their bullshit? Sometimes. Well come on! Are you kidding me? Sometimes...I just let it go...and I ask myself why is this bothering me? I know it's bullshit. I know I'm not going to change people if they don't want to change. Sure it's annoying. But why do I bother with this shit? I don't know! Bad habits are hard to break. I want people to clean up their bullshit! I want people to be self aware. I want people to...stop touching me. I'm not in a touchy mood right now.
Yes, I have been warning close friends and family. "Hey - keep a little distance. Things are a little blurry and testy in here. My apologies in advance." Do they take the warning? Not every time. Which does salt my apples. I love that saying. My son said it to me a while back and it made me giggle. It's really helping right now to let go of some of this griping. It's helping me to laugh a little.
I'm hormonal. Okay. All of my issues are rising to the surface. It's as if I'm being tested. Poke. Do you like that? No! Do you want to deal with this right now? No! Do you think you can handle this? Ugh.....you know what? Yes! I've got my tools. I will use my tools.
I don't have to go all crazy and spiral down too far before I remember I have tools...and I do need to remember I'm not the only one. So many are dealing with their own issues. It is part of life. Whether you are dealing with mental health issues, physical discomfort, health or money issues - we are human. We've got issues. When you talk to people - and they start letting it out - I really think people are just jumping to let it out - which for the record - I'm trying to be a good listener - but I'm a bit depleted right now to hear too many gory details - you know - however......
Talk to me about your feelings. Talk to me about your solutions. Talk to me about your successes. Let's stay balanced.
I went out this morning for a short walk. I'm not feeling so good, so I just wasn't up for a long walk. I did a podcast.
I've been posting stuff on Instagram:
I got the nicest message from a stranger on Instagram letting me know my posts were appreciated. Felt really good.
After my walk, I decided to run to the store. When I got there, I just couldn't decide what to get. I was looking around and I just couldn't pull off a "marketing" trip. So....I bought some tea and a plant. A sweet little fern and some yummy calm tea. I'm happy about that. I named her Fern. Yeah, I couldn't over do the thinking on a name. It does suit her thought, don't you think? She's cute.
Be happy about the small things you get done.
Be happy about the small steps you are making to heal.
Be happy about the fact your presence here on earth is valuable. You have a place here.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for your support.
Mental Girl is here!
Wooosh! I'm flooded with thoughts and feelings. Mental Girl! Ok...good I can feel her inside me working her charm. I'm relieved. Because things can get nasty if I allow it. And I'm not going to allow it.
All right feelings and thoughts...I realize there is a combination of things going on here. But let's see what we can do.
I went out for a walk this morning and did a podcast:
I've also been posting on Instagram:
I'm admitting to myself and some closer family and friends - I'm hormonal and grouchy. It isn't about them...I'm working through stuff - and....they might want to keep a little step back at times.
People have been a bit too...."peoplely" for me. They are loud, rude, unaware, angry, temperamental, preachy, annoying....and...see? I'm a bit grouchy.
However! There is a however...thank you Mental Girl....I will take a deep breath right now....on my walks, I notice things. I notice flowers. I noticed some Valentine's hearts on a neighbor's door - which was very pretty. I noticed my reflection in store windows. There I am! And...when I got my coffee I smiled at people. I had friendly exchanges with strangers. Why should they get an asshole? I even smiled and was pleasant to the two women who work at one of my local coffee hangs - who did not appear to be in a good mood either. I was a little hurt they weren't extra friendly with me. But I smiled and went on with my day. I think that's pretty good. Sure I came home and growled at a couple of inanimate objects that were bugging me. Sure, I had some thoughts about things not being where I wanted them to be. Sure, right now I'm typing and I'm irritated that I booked an early appointment with my therapist. Actually that might be a good thing. Right?
Look - I just want you all to know that even though I write about self care and self love (which is VERY important - especially these grouchy times) - but even though I'm healing and growing and I feel good about having Mental Girl in my life - I too - am human - and I go through stuff. We all do. It's OK.
I had a great chat with a dear friend last week who was spiraling into the grouchies and was frustrated. Then she spiraled into feeling guilty about her grouchies and frustrations. I said, wait! Isn't it OK, to feel disappointed, irritated, bummed out, mopey, or sad? YES! Sometimes it just is. Sometimes you feel it one second and the next minute you are reminded of something good - or something good happens. And then two seconds later - you're mopey again. Soak it all in. Ride the waves. I don't think you have to pull an instant positive thought out when you're dealing with life stuff. Sure it may help. But if it doesn't and trying to muster a positive thought is pulling you into shame and self loathing - stop. Just breathe. Try this:
"Okay - I'm not happy right now. I don't like the way I feel. I know I have good thoughts. I know have good moments. I look forward to them. But right now I'm bummed. And that's OK.
I can't control menopause. I can be aware of my changing moods, thoughts and that feelings are going to come - and when they do I will pile on a ton of self care. I can communicate my needs to myself and others. I can reach out for tools and helpful hints. But control it? Probably not. It's nature. But I can choose to commit to myself.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for your support.
I appreciate you.
Oh I'm a wingdoodler of an overthinker. (My made up word wingdoodler: def: really good at "task".)
My goodness. I can really overthink shit. Plus, I've been doing a lot of it lately.
I did a podcast about it this morning. Had to share it just in case someone else was feeling the same way.
Woosh. And I found these funny memes online and figured - these are just perfect for the way I've been thinking and feeling.
Okay mind. You want to think? How about getting creative? I'm very excited that Mental Girl book 2 is in the works. I finished it and it's now with my editor. She'll work her magic. She'll polish it up and get it all sparkly. Next step, I send it to another wonderful guy who works his magic and gets it in Kindle format. Then....it will be ready to publish and you all can read it. I'm so pleased. My son worked on the artwork for the cover again and I'm super happy with the results.
So - Rebecca - over think that stuff. Why over think about all this other crap I've been worrying about and picking at? Anxiety are you bored? Anxiety are you restless? Anxiety are you feeling left out? Anxiety would you like to be heard? Well if you do - I'll lovingly listen, but you can't run the show. No.
Taking a deep breath right now.
See? I go through this stuff. I talk about the tools. I share with you practicing self love is the foundation. I share with you some tips and trades. But I also share that I'm human, I can be vulnerable, I hurt sometimes, I'm afraid sometimes - and....another deep breath - I'm not ashamed. That's the big thing. I'm not ashamed. I know this about me now. My goodness, I should, I've been like this a super long time. That's why I"m a wingdoodler at the overthinking! I've had a lot of practice. However - now....I'm turning into a wingdoodler of a self love practicer (yes I now not a real word) and advocate for self care/self love. I'm turning into a wingdoodler of a solution based, deep breathing, I'm not ashamed and I like myself person.
I've been posting stuff on Instagram as well. My vulnerable side - my fragility - and the "human" stuff I go through. I film myself raw, no makeup, no filter and......can you guess what I'm going to say? No shame!
Learn to drop the shame.
Learn to drop some of the self criticism. Sure we need some to motivate us to change. But don't go down the spiral so you are what I call 6 degrees of everything is shit and the world is shit. Okay?
I'm here with you.
Mental Girl is with you.
YOU are here.
I know YOU want to feel good.
I know YOU want to like yourself.
I know YOU want to feel a zest and vitality for life.
And YOU deserve it.
Let's take another deep breath.
It's Monday. Beginning of another week. Let's do this!
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for your support.
I appreciate you.
I have discovered it's really important for me to continue to empower myself. Not over power others. I'm not talking about having control over EVERY situation. I'm talking about having control over me in every situation including my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Let's see if I can explain a little better.
I'm very sensitive. I over think. I feel a lot. I care. I think of all perspectives. I tend to worry. Sometimes over worry. All right, who am I kidding? I do worry a lot. But I'm practicing every day - to empower myself to get through......well...ME.
There's a little girl in me who wants everyone to be nice. She wants everyone to like each other. She wants everyone to like her. She doesn't want to feel mad, sad, or anxious. She doesn't want other people to be mad, sad or anxious. But guess what? I can't control all of that. I can try and work on my stuff. And that's what I do. Every day.
Okay - just now as I was writing this blog I pushed a button. I don't know what I pushed. But it changed the screen. I thought I lost my writing. I felt myself getting instantly enraged, teeth were gritting, shoulders tight. I could hear Mental Girl saying - "come on - you don't know its lost yet. Hold on. There might be a way. And if you've lost your work - it's OK. Relax the shoulders. Relax your jaw. Relax your mind." I looked up and there was a way. But I wouldn't have seen it if I stayed all balled up angry and tense. Thank you Mental Girl.
In most situations - I would even say ALL situations - there is a way to deal with it. There is a way to give myself self love and self care in every moment so I can see clearly, respond with clarity and calm and creativity. Do I do it all the time? Eventually. But sometimes it takes me a little time to remember I have to do the work. I have control over me. Not that, not him, not her, not over there or there. But inside me.
So I'm taking a deep breath right now. Would you like to take one with me?
I know this work isn't always easy. Just the idea or the word - that it IS work - can be daunting or feel overwhelming. But I promise you (Mental Girl promises me) this work heals. It makes things better in my mind, body and soul. I have found I get, most times, instant gratification from doing the healing work. Sure, sometimes I don't see it right way. But that's OK too. I've done this enough times now, and I see the process - so that when it does take longer - I now have experience and proof that the "good stuff" coming my way is in fact coming. And it's coming for you too.
I took some pictures yesterday for a Twitter friend. He was feeling a little gloomy and depressed because of the weather he was experiencing. What was really cool was he wanted pictures of the sun from other Twittters. He wasn't going to get jealous that others had sun around them. He just wanted to see it. That's a beautiful thing. So I took these pictures and sent some "light and sun" his way.
No matter what - give yourself some light and sun. That light and sun is self care and self love. No matter what kind of light and love you give yourself - believe you deserve it - and give yourself a full dose (and several more if needed) of self love and self care.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for listening to my podcasts.
I do appreciate you.
I love the rain. I enjoy overcast days. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
I'm not in the "norm" around here.
People like (and sometimes demand) the sunny skies around here. They think rain is sad. Now I agree for the homeless, those who can't seek shelter - yes. And I feel so sad for them. I really wish our state would get on the problem of homelessness around here. I've voted for all of it to help them out. I want to find the charities I can help or donate to - who I feel confident will get the help needed to these people. I hear news they are working on it - and I hope this gets solved. No one should live on the streets. Everyone should have shelter, warmth, food and access to medical help.
With that said, we have been in a drought for a long time. This is much needed rain. I am looking forward to a spectacular Spring.
Here's another reason why I won't watch the news. They scare us about the drought. We have tons of rain - they scare us about the floods and the dirty wash out to our ocean. But...but...but...why not solve that problem? I don't understand why we aren't saving this rain water in barrels. I don't understand why after many, many MANY years they haven't solved the flooding problems.
Deep breath Rebecca. I get riled up.
So.....the reason I was getting riled up - is because I don't want my enjoyment of this beautiful rain ruined. I don't want to feel guilty for loving rain. It's okay for people not to like the rain. I understand. Not everyone does. People have to drive in it, walk in it, and work in it. But I like it. I enjoy it.
Let me tell you - yesterday I was hoping for a small break in the rain. I almost lost my rain smile. It has been raining really hard at times. Yesterday morning, I woke up to find we had a leak in the house. I was so bummed. And then...I went into the bathroom - to find a leak in the plumbing under the sink. I was more bummed. And then....the ants were storming the bathroom. I was even more bummed. I could feel my smile turning to a droop. But no! I said - that's it. I actually began to laugh a little. I thought - together as a family we're going to solve this - well my husband did most of the work. I did the cleanup and wipe up - he got up on the roof and under the sink. By the evening it appeared (knock on wood - I really hope it's all fixed) all seemed well. By bedtime, I was back under the covers sleeping listening to the rain coming down and smiling.
I really like the sound of rain. I like the smell of it. I like the way the city looks - all clean and fresh.
I get it. Shit happens. We become challenged. I don't like it either. Oh I woke up this morning and the plumbing isn't fixed yet. And I got soaked in the rain today. But I'm really going to take a moment along with a deep breath and give myself credit that I haven't let anxiety take over yesterday and today - and I haven't spiral down.
I even worked on Mental Girl book 2 yesterday and then again today. It's looking good. I'm very excited.
Anxiety has been coming in waves. Even when I feel good - it sneaks in and pokes me. Just this morning, I got spooked a little going to the market. I got in the car. I was nervous if it would rain on the way. I started to think I would be all wet - my groceries wet - the traffic might be bad. I was sad seeing homeless wet on the street. I could feel anxiety trickle in and pinch me. But I spoke to it - firmly yet gently and lovingly. I listened to Mental Girl.
She said, "Hey - it's OK. We can go slow. We can do what we can. We can take it easy. We are allowed to enjoy our life. We can work through this. I'm here."
I had a great therapy session today. And I did a podcast. anchor.fm/mentalgirl/episodes/Mental-Girl-self-care-e341k2
Also I've been posting fun rain stuff on Instagram.
Don't forget those deep soothing breaths. Don't forget you have a place and a part here. Don't forget you are appreciated and loved. It is your right.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for your support.
It is February first - it has a good feel to it. I feel a refreshed feeling. It's a new Lunar Year. I'm not familiar with the ins and outs of the details regarding the Lunar Year customs. I am the year of the monkey - and from what I've read - it suits me. I love it when our local mall decorates. They do it up. This year - it's the Year of the Pig. Well, when I think of pigs - I think smart, cute, funny, silly - I love their little tails swishing back and forth.
So a new month. Cool.
I started work on Mental Girl book 2. I'm really excited. It feels good. It feels like the perfect time to get it ready, work on it, get it edited and then published. So stay tuned!
I also started work on another children's book. I've got a book right now that I've been submitting to agents. So far, lots of rejections. Sure it stings a little. I get sad for moment or two. But then I think - well - they're obviously not the right fit for me. If I don't find a fit - or they don't find me - I will self publish. I've done it before. I can do it again.
I'm still healing, growing, changing and adapting. Some days are a breeze. Other days bumpy and rough. I try - on those bumpy days - to reach out and connect with other brave mental health warriors. I try to help if I can and also let others know they aren't alone. I also love to feel that I'm not alone.
I did a podcast this morning:
I have been posting on Instagram. I've been feeling more inclined to have posts reaching to the feelers, overthinkers, and sensitive types. Because - we hold a lot in. We feel out of place sometimes. There are so many people reaching out and spreading light and love about mental health. It's important. It's important to me to give back. I've received so much support.
Here is a link to my Instagram page:
All right - so let's keep moving forward. Together!
Happy February! A toast to The Pig!