I've always liked wearing all black. I have been experimenting with makeup. I dolled up a little. I put some black eyeliner on. I struggled putting it on. I didn't get the line perfect. So I ended up adding some gold liner on top of it, to add a little glitz. I applied a little blush and some light pink lipstick. I went out for a walk feeling comfy cozy - and a little cat woman sassy.
All right, here goes some reality. I've got some arthritis pain in my right hand - around my thumb. Dangnabbit - it makes it challenging to open jars, open doors, and put on makeup. However - I won't that stop me from finding the fun within me.
I still haven't mastered the right selfie pose. I usually take about 4 or 5 pictures and then the discomfort in my hands takes over - along with my oh fuck this - this is taking too long frustration - and then I just decide to pick one out of the bunch.
I have my hot pink walking purse strapped to me and that pink bracelet is actually a dog leash. You can't see it, but I'm walking my dog, who was waiting patiently while I posed for a couple selfie pics. I wouldn't have minded if she got in the shot. But she never sits still and she would have looked like a funny small fuzzy blur.
Needless to say, in spite of the aches and pains, the inexperienced selfie - I have managed to quiet the self critic a little bit. That's improvement. Because that's what this is REALLY about - to like myself - embrace who I am - feel good in my own skin - and stand proud.
The other thing - and I take a deep breath to write this - I'm a skinny person. I eat! Okay, I'm sorry I yelled. But for some reason, I get a lot of comments about my body. It's always been that way. I'm either too heavy or too skinny. I've finally found a "natural" balance and comfort to my figure - and I'm still getting comments! Grrrr. I want to say right here and right now - I'm healthy. I've been checked out. I've been evaluated and the doctors all have agreed - I'm great. They all feel - my body just fell into a weight rhythm - and this it. But taking this selfie and not letting myself self criticize is a HUGE step. I'm becoming proud of my body and my appearance. Again, this is a HUGE step.
I want to be able to embrace who I am, the size I am, the age I am, and the person I am. When I was young - I would have loved to be this weight. I fought tooth and nail to lose weight - be perfect - and the one thing I was lacking was self acceptance.
Now that I'm not struggling anymore in the weight department - which is wonderful - I can chip away at the self esteem. All bodies - any size - are beautiful. YOU be YOU.
This morning, I did a podcast. The topic was drama. Oh...I can fall into that from time to time. I'm getting better at catching myself when I do it. But I'm still a work in progress. No matter what we are working on in life, if we can avoid falling into drama - the learning lessons and the healing work - come a little faster. It's okay if you do it. I still do it. I get all worked up about all kinds of stuff. But I am learning, the more I self care - the more I embrace who I am - defending her with love, compassion, kindness and courage - the drama isn't as attractive.
If you haven't heard today's podcast yet - here it is.....anchor.fm/mentalgirl/episodes/Episode-103-e1vbs6/a-a4n481
All right.....onward and upward!