Wow! I've got so much clutter and clatter in my mind. The big questions are when will I get better? Will I get better? How will I get better? Which solutions will work for me?
I think about writing every thought down and putting it in my blog. Honestly, I don't think I can type fast enough to keep up with them all. Plus, who needs to hear it? It drives me batty. I tell my support people most of them...so far they help me get through them...I sure hope they don't get tired of me.
I wonder when I begin to walk up to one of them with the face...excuse me..."can I release a thought?"...do they think what now?
I know I do.
I do enjoy other people's blogs and books when they so honestly share their pain and progress. I really do.
I hope to do that here.
I hope maybe something I write makes me feel better, so I write in here and then you read it, and then you feel better. Maybe you feel less alone. Maybe you feel less afraid. Maybe you say, wow, I struggle too.
Right now I just don't feel like writing all the details, all the thoughts and all the feelings. I can fall into either symptom swapping or worrying if I'm going to worry about that thing you are worried about, so if you are like me, you don't have to hear all the chitter chatter right now.
I do suffer with panic disorder and OCD. It appears it's all falling around me at a rapid speed. The more I make progress, the louder it gets. That what if's, the doubts, the oh nos!!!!!
However.....yes there is a however.....I'm taking baby steps. When I hear a suggestion that resonates or settles my stomach, I try it.
Meditation. Okay. I've been finding some good ones on youtube. They guided meditations and I've been listening to them several times a day. You need to find the voices and styles that work for you. Sometimes the music doesn't feel good, or the voice just doesn't make me feel calm.
When you hear someone (hopefully a therapist or a trusted friend) say try this small step. At first you may so, but that's so small......just take it. A small step, is a step forward.
Maybe we could all take those teeny tiny steps forward. And praise ourselves when we take it. Give yourself a hug. I hugged myself just now. I kind of got a chill.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Thank you for being here.