Going through the pain of a mental challenge takes a lot of courage, bravery, patience and love. Actually I should have written love first. Well, maybe it's good I put it at the end. LOVE. Hopefully that word, being on the end there, will make it so it sticks out to your eyes and then will tell your brain to begin practicing it on yourself.
Today I struggled. I've been struggling for a few months now. I am in a holding period. I am waiting to find the right doctor, considering medications, holding on to hope, and learning to love myself as is. It feels weird. It feels weird to say to myself "I love you." But it IS important. I'm starting to believe my mind and body can hear me.
As I lay in a quiet place today, breathing in and out, I began to let the idea of self love, self kindness, self compassion take a ride through my body. I began to say the words. "I forgive you. I accept you. I love you." Yes, it did feel awkward. But it felt like a necessary step in the healing process.
I didn't mean for all this to happen. I didn't mean to have panic disorder. I didn't mean to struggle with OCD. I didn't mean to have so much anxiety, that I tried to manage, hide and push down - that the whole thing just came flooding to the top. So now, my body and mind are saying "Wait! Wait!"
I get so frustrated, down on myself, feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, frustration - why do I have this? Why can't I be.....(yep that word) normal? Urk. Let's not use that word.
Now is that helping the healing process? No, it makes it worse.
Someone near and dear who is aiding me with trying to heal my body and help guide me through this process said to me "Why don't you give self love and care a try?"
Okay. Again, it's awkward. But I'm giving it a try.
If you, like me, are struggling with a mental illness, depression, panic, OCD - ANY of the painful sometimes debilitating anxiety disorders and forgot this step, join me.
So many of us who struggle are so kind, creative, funny and just want the world to be a safe and happy place. So many of us just want to create a safe haven for our awkward selves. So many of us just want peace.
All right...so you and me. Let's make it awkward. Say it with me, to yourself. "I forgive you. I accept you. I love you."