A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness. - Albert Einstein
For those who suffer with panic disorder and anxiety (whisper: me) - nothing would bring them more happiness than a calm heart. You may not know this if you are a confident, well adjusted, "go get em" person - but to someone who wakes up with crippling anxiety - striving for a calm and modest life sounds lovely - but sadly - to them at times appears unreachable. It takes a lot to time, effort, patience and practice to even get a whiff that a calm and modest life could be a possibility and attainable.
Mental Girl was written by a panic and anxiety warrior. Yep, that's me. It took me writing this book to realize, yep, I'm a warrior. Anyone can be a warrior. I'm not making myself to be special. Writers are warriors. Anyone who sits down and tries to get thoughts out of one's head, onto to the paper, and moves them around so they make enough sense to possibly entertain others - is, in my opinion a warrior. Doctors, teachers, the guy making your coffee is a warrior. We are all warriors. We are here to "figure it out".
My goal with Mental Girl was to spread a message. I knew there were more like me. There were more people out there struggling and trying to figure out how to calm their minds down - tame the monsters in there head. I didn't want to continue feeling shame. I don't want anyone to feel shame. Know this - and this is from me and Mental Girl. You are not alone. You are not weak. You are not unlovable. You are not alone. Mental Girl wants to you to know - we can do this together.
Oh dear! Well, I just realized that I hadn't checked my email for this blogsite. I wasn't receiving any notifications that I had any mail. I was checking Twitter and Facebook - but completely forgot to check my gmail account. Lo and behold I had messages! I just feel so awful to the people who emailed me and received no response. All I can say is, I'm on it now, I'm aware, I will be checking and I just want you to have my sincerest apology. Please write again!
Happy New Year! To new beginnings. I will be starting back up with my healing sessions with Ursula....so stay tuned. I'll be blogging again after a session.
Again, I would love to hear from you. I do love mail! I really do! I just needed a lesson in all these buttons, accounts, emails and websites. I'll learn. Please, bear with me. You are important to me.
Okay time to practice writing that 8. Do I want to write it all at once? One long swoop? Or would I like to make two circles - like snowballs stacked on top of each other. I'm leaning towards the snowballs. I can make them nice and round. But for back up a quick swooped 8 works too. These are the important things I ponder on the first day of the new year.
(whisper: Oh I wish all my thoughts could be so simple and easy)
Alas, they're not. I've got my lists going, my thoughts running a mile a minute, and my nerves slightly rattled because of the new years pressure - to make this year the BEST!
Well - I don't roll that way. I'll make my snowball circles to make that juicy delicious eight look fantastic. I might even be in a pleasant mood and put a smiley face in the top circle. But the pressure to be the BEST...make it the BEST....figure it out all out...ugh....I don't think so.
What I will continue doing is scooting along trying to figure the best way to get to know myself and be kinder to myself. The neat thing about doing that - disproving the I idea I had that everyone is better than me, and appears to have this life thing down - is that the nicer I am to myself - the more creative I become - the better I'm able to figure out how to communicate with others - and to work on gently fitting into this soul of mine - versus squeezing, tugging and pulling to "fit in".
I don't "fit in". I never have. I've tried so many times - but it never works. I'm not great at the "group" thing. I'm not that fond of big parties. I really don't like crowds. I've tried looking and acting like someone else - that I thought was cooler than me. I'm now the wing it girl. My attitude is let's roll with this and see where it goes. But just get ready - cause I'm still I might dash kind of girl. Oh but if I dash, you'll get a text, note or card to say all is well. I just needed to reboot but I'm still here. It was a dash home kind of thing - not a dash - disappear thing. Although if you're mean to me, disrespectful or just plain abusive - yes - poof - I'm out. But to my family and I friends I don't want anyone feeling bad if my "wonkies" come out.
I'm really taking a liking to the word "wonkies".
To the weird! To the wonkies! May you learn to fit nicely around here. There is room for you. Make room by accepting yourself as is - that knocks some of the wind out of your anxious sails and makes room for that great sigh of relief - that beautiful sensation - when you take care of YOU.
Happy New Year!