Honestly, with all these dark thoughts trying to make there way into my mind, it's a wonder I'm still going. I'm even in a little awe. I think that's Mental Girl talking. I don't booze up. I'm not over medicating. I get up in the morning. I'm trying to do as much as I can. I'm fucking terrified at times. But I'm still here.
Mental Girl - is that you holding me together? It has to be.
I've got a bunch of things I'm trying to use. I've got recordings I listen to, I talk with friends, I try and exercise when I can and I force myself to eat. Mental Girl - again - thank you for your help.
I'm not sure what the driving force is.....but I'm glad it is pushing me along. There is like a sheepherding dog and he says come on girl....come on.....and he pushes me and pushes me. I'm a mom and I need to be there for him. My family needs me and loves me. I need me. So I guess along with Mental Girl and this great dog - they push me out of bed and say - let's just try this.
Again, I don't have the answers yet. I don't have anything concrete to say - okay try this - this worked perfectly and by the way I'm cured and confident and everything is fabulous! Oh and let me tell you, if I did - I would be writing about it, shouting it from the rooftops and making youtube videos so anyone going through this could follow and get help. Whisper: I sure hope I'm able to do all of that.
Until then - keep reaching out. Keep grabbing for help. Keep grabbing for something to try. Because they hope is that each day I wake up just a little bit stronger, so that when that dog starts to push me - I give him a biscuit and shout out - let's seize the day and run buddy!